Escape.

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Photo Credit : Christopher Windus on Unsplash

Are you trapped, imprisoned, and cannot get free
Do you feel like you need more room, so that you can breathe
Is this relationship, not at all what it seems
Do you yearn, do you burn, to break all ties, and jump free
Do you want to break through these invisible prison bars
Are you afraid to do so, in case it leaves scars

Are you being blackmailed, manipulated from moving away
Are you gonna waste your time here, day after day
‘ I love you, I want you, I need you, please don’t go ‘
Any of this sound familiar
‘ I’m leaving, I’m going, please say it aint so ‘
Does the pleading turn to anger
A rage, a torrent of abuse, as they vent
Now they don’t seem so much like that angle, heaven sent

Is it love, loneliness, or entrapment to capture your soul
If they can’t have you in the way they desire
Maybe they will aspire to stop you from the contentment and true happiness you seek
Keep you tied to a loveless relationship, and meek
Surely to God, one deserves better than this
Are you too kind and pleasant, cruelty not to your taste
Is it lack of wealth and finances, keeping you in this place
Are you stuck, trapped, and it seems like there’s nothing you can do

Do you strive to tread lightly through this world, and treat others right
Be all gentle and soft, not harm a soul
Are you going to sacrifice your health, and maybe your head
To be their spiritual blanket, and emotional comforter too
What about some real heartbreaking, ass kicking , love making
Or maybe you will forego that too
All in the name of be seen to do what’s right
To be seen as that fine, solid, loyal understanding human, of quiet delight

If they are just a friend, they are not your job to mend
Nor be there surrogate lover too
Are you afraid of losing a long term friend
Will they be lonely, hurt and offended if you find someone new
Is it that perceived guilt that’s holding you back
Come on  now, answer true
Are you gentle, kind with no mind to be cruel
Well then my friend, you can set yourself free
Does it seem like the perfect set up, honesty, generosity
Peace and tranquility, good home cooking too

But there’s no love making, dude
Are they just using you, for their own inner reasons
Wheather it be loneliness, companionship
Or other reasons, too brutal to be true
There is no passionate sex, there is no love
Warmth, friendship, companionship, yes
But surly that won’t do
Passionate love, sizzling sex, I wish to say hello to you
Along with warmth, friendship, laughter, and companionship too
Do you want to look back on your life, when you are dead
Say I lived my life for another, how utterly frustrated, disappointed and angry are you

Is this loyalty gone too far, kindness gone amiss
It’s being such a long time, since you even had a kiss
Sexuality, lovemaking, call it what you will, it’s all part of the human condition
If your missing out on this, you aint really living
If they want more, you know the score
If that’s what they ache for, but you aint opening that door
They just don’t touch you in that way, be clear and definite on that

No moaning, no whingeing, or saying you should do
It seems so ideal, can it be real
But I just aint into you, like that
That bit of madness I’ve seen at first hand
That anger, that temper, and inability to cope
It’s slipped more than once, from underneath your cloak
It’s for reasons like that, I’d rather tip my hat, than get deeply involved
And carry on up that path
Do you want to escape, do you want to break free
Do you want to break through these invisible walls
Stay or escape, what will it be.

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Still Getting Old.

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Photo by Cristian Newman on Unsplash

Are you mad with rage, as you look at your age
How come life didn’t turn out the way it was ment to be
Do you want to seek revenge, get someone to make amends
For the life your lumbered with
It’s not how you determined it should be

Does it make you sick that your bones crack and creek
Even when you just eat, and move
That the toilet is now your new found best friend
The very idea of sex, gives you a right pain in the head
You’d so much rather have a nice cup of tea

Are you now so bored, you want to fall on your sword
So you can escape all this misery
Who can you hate. Whose head can you place on the chopping plate
Someone’s to blame. That’s all I’m saying
Before I go insane

Is it God, is it Buddha, Shiva or some other
It’s just gotta get better, before you get dead
Do people offer you their seat, as you shuffle your feet
Reaching your top speed, of ‘Dead Slow’
Are you lucky to have your health, or perhaps your confined to bed
Are you now so ancient, your teeth and hair, have gone amiss

Is your skin fraggled and wrinkled, it’s all just so unfair
With the slightest touch, it just might tear
Have you graduated to padded, plastic underwear
To enchance your personel care. Whoever thought it would come to this
But don’t nobody dare say you look like an old dried out prune
Are you bitter and resentful, and full of angry moods
That you can no longer be one of the young dudes

Is your life just one long empty journey, same old, same old, day after day
Do you sit wishing so much, it would just all go away
Are you scared of dying, of that journey ahead
That trip that happens to us all, when we are dead
These may be the thoughts that you contemplate
As you lay in your bed, awaiting your fate

Old age, getting on, coming to the end
Is there really much to recommend……living
I believe there is. So I’m holding on for as long as I can
Trying to be a happy man
Searching for a life full of laughfter and joy
Looking to forgive and forget about settleing old scores
Trying to live the happy life, look around at others
Many have a great deal of strife to deal with day after day
I reckon I’m a lot luckier than some, that’s all I’m sayin.

 

Funny.

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Photo Credit : Braydon Anderson on Unsplash

Funny.

Can’t You Be More Funny, She Said, Not Be So Serious All Of The Time
Can’t You Use Words To Uplift Our Spirits, And Make Our Hearts Shine
Does Everything Have To Be So Tragic, Sad Depressing And Down
As That’s All It Ever Seems To Be With You, Whenever You’re Around

What About Frivolity, Joy Happiness And More
That’s What People Are Searching For, That’s Why We Come Through This Door
Unhappy Scenes, People Of No Means, Tragedy Piled On So Thick And Deep
This Is Not What I’m Looking For, It’s Not What I And Other People Seek

I Can See That Kind Of Rubbish, On Eastender’s Every Week
Lighten Up Bring Some Cheer, If You Can, Please Do So My Dear
Life Is Tough Enough, She Said, But It’s Not What I Wish To Focus On,
I Want To Tilt My Head Towards Scenes Of Love, Lift My Soul Up Above

That Would Make Me Want To Jump Out Of Bed, Perhaps Burst Out Of My Head
With Joy And Happiness
Put Me In Good Form All Day Long. That’s An Event That Would Be Time Well Spent
Can You Be More Happy, She Said. I Want Some Happiness Before I’m Dead

Can You Lift Your Soul Up, From Where It’s Dragging On The Floor
Don’t You Try And Bring Me Down, Lift Me Up Instead Even More
Infuse My Mind And Spirit With Joy, And Peaceful Contentment
Maybe Then We’ll Build A Friendship On That, As Solid And Strong As Tough Cement

I Looked At Her, And Said I’ll Try. I Know I Can Be A Bit Depressing At Times
But Sometimes, That’s How My Mind Functions. It All Seems Out Of My Control
It’s Not That I Try To Be Unkind And Mean, Even Though At Times, That’s What It May Seem
But It’s What I Feel  Inside, At Times, In My Dark And Troubled Mind

But I Ain’t All Tragic, I Like A Good Laugh Myself At Times
Can’t You Be More Funny She Said, As She Headed Up The Stairway, Alone Away To Bed.

Age.

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Photo Credit : https://unsplash.com/@cristina_gottardi

Age

As we age, do we become more of a sage, or just the same irritating person, but older
Do we mature, or still try to even scores, from times gone by in millennia
Are we consumed with hate, tales of revenge, when, if ever is all this gonna end
Are we full of regret for the words that we said, or even words we never dare utter

Are you afraid of dying, not sure what lies ahead, wondering have you wasted your life
Do you ask will you get a second chance, to do it all over again
Do you stare in the mirror, then turn away with despair
As you notice yet another grey hair, and the wrinkles that are coming out of nowhere

Are you bitter and mean, act in ways that are at times rude and obscene
Do you regret your life looking back at what you could have being
But have to accept what you actually became
Do you take that anger out on those close to you

Do you like getting old, how come you feel so cold
As your circulation begins to slow down
Is your eyesight not so keen, do you shake at the knees
Is your walk less upright than it once was
Is your bladder now a cause for real concern
As you forever yearn to be close to a toilet

Have you still got your own teeth, to bite into that meat
Or do you have to be so careful what you chomp on
Are you still operational in bed, or will that just have to be in your head
The very idea, leads to a tear, and the very real fear, of perhaps hurting your rear

Are you envious of and angry with the young , they have so much life ahead
Are bored beyond belief, perhaps so lonely, that you secretly weep, every night
Would you have taken more chances, given an other go
Maybe grasped, or at least tried those opportunities, rather than say no

Or have you come to terms with how your life has being
Even if it didnt turn out to be that glourious techniclour dream
Are you pleasent and keen, a joy to be around with, and be seen
Full of good cheer, laughter and all

Do you lift people up, rather than try make them look small
Will people miss you when you go
Say they were one of the best, and we were surely blessed
To be part of their life for a time

Life, old age is coming to us all
There is little we can do to make it stall
No mirror, mirror on the wall
What lies ahead when we’re all dead, God alone knows.

Time.

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Photo by Sabri Tuzcu on Unsplash

Time, just about  the most precious commodity there is. Do you really want to be working ninety hour plus, a week, to the point of exhaustion, just for the money. What about the time to reflect. To enjoy. To process and think over life events. Time to spend with your loved ones, and maybe children. Much of the lack of free time is to do with greedy, selfish employers, whom, from what I can see, pay those in their employ as little as they can get away with.
Consequently their generally low paid workers, have to spend most of their time, working all the hours God sends, in an effort to provide a decent life for themselves, and there loved ones. Maybe if these employers bought one less piece of expensive company equipment. Or maybe had one less holiday a year, and paid there workers a decent living wage, so they are not forced into working mad hours. How about that, a bit fairer all round, I’d say.
It certainly is quiet frustrating to read of company profits and turnover increasing, and not seeing that profitability reflected in one’s wage packet. The profits and turnover, you, as the employee are contributing to. I recently read an interview where the CEO of one of the major coffee operations in the world, with coffee houses everywhere. In that interview he relayed how he had being brought in a one parent family, by his Mother, in a poor area of town. Watching her struggle financially, under pressure and stress, trying to provide for her family. He determined there and then, that he would always remember how hard it was for his Mother, and that he would always be understanding, and helpful of others struggles on their life journey. Eventually managing to get himself educated, and successful to a reasonable degree, he became CEO of this internationally famous coffee company. How much do they pay their front line staff ? Minimum wage.
Maybe its easy to forget, where you’ve come from, and what you’ve being through, and what you promised yourself, when you are sitting in the plush boardroom, over looking the big city.

Generally I blame the employers, if you have to work for others. Where one is out of necessity forced to work very long working hours, for no great fortune. With little time for much else. To say it’s incredibly frustrating, would certainly be an understatement. Is chasing all that success, and the money, really that important ? You may  get to the graveyard a wealthy person. But were you so stressed out, and maybe missing out on important life, and family events, throughout your life. Missing the opportunity to connect with others on a deep level, form friendships that may have  lasted a life time. Not at all easy to balance it out. Did it all seem so worth it  now, looking back ? Not an easy quandary to solve. Time rich, and poor, or no time and rich. What matters to you, when you look back at your life, if your lucky enough to reach a healthy age. Of course, access to financial resources is an absolute bonus, as it makes life so much easier and smooth. Don’t you believe those Catholics and priests who tell you poverty, and suffering is the gateway to heaven. Trust me, it ain’t. I don’t believe God wants us to suffer. If there is a God, and we are all his children ?  If there is a God, I’m assuming he is a God of love, not a God of nastiness, and suffering. Don’t tread along that foolish path. Will you be a well to do person, full of regret, surrounded by the trappings of success ? But maybe angry underneath it all, that you missed out on so much.
I don’t have the answer. It’s very hard choices what you prioritize in life. No doubt financial wealth and independence is fabulous is one can achieve it. Leading to great freedom and choice in life, which is what I would strive for, and value most above all else. Maybe not everyone is cut out to be a successful entrepreneur. For myself, I certainly value time spent with loved one’s and friends, much more important than maybe a lonely existence of a wealthy person with the obvious trappings of success, but perhaps with a deep inner emptiness and loneliness, and much regret and frustration.
I don’t know if I’m coming back round for a second go, or if I’m coming back at all ! if you believe in reincarnation. Perhaps then I’d hold a different view. Who knows, maybe next time round I may be a wealthy man.

Hoarder.

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Photo by Oleksii Hlembotskyi on Unsplash

I am a hoarder, I use my goods as a boarder to keep the world out
I am afraid and insecure, of the world outside my door
Its causing ructions and disorder inside this house
Why can’t they see what I can see, I am an insecure, scared little mouse

Why can’t they leave me be, always demanding I clean up
Why does it bother them so much, When they can’t see what I can see inside this house
Boxes packed with God knows what, clothes I’ll never wear
Newspapers strewn on the floor, I don’t even care

Dirty windows, unclean doors, overcrowded drawers
Don’t you touch them, don’t you dare do that
This is my security, this is my sense of self
Even if to others it looks like a God almighty mess

This is my life and how I live it, gives me peace of mind
So if you could remove yourself, I’ll get on with the daily grind
Get out now, and don’t come back
If all you’re here to do is find fault and knock me flat

This is how I live my life, this is how it’s going to be
Until the day I feel more secure, and my self esteem is intact, can’t you see
Get out, get out and leave me be

 

            

                                                                                                                                               

 

                                                                                                                                          

 

                  

Toxic People.

Toxic People.

Toxic people in my life, trying their utmost to cause a great deal of strife
What can I do about these people, so I can just get on with life
Not to be so fearful and trading so carefully, trying hard to avoid and disengage
Yet they still keep coming back all the time, trying to assuage and calm their rage
My words are not meant to destroy and cause you pain, so they claim
They are to help you, they protest, so your life is not in vain
Have you no sense of humour, they ask, as their cruel, insensitive words
Whip once more across my back
Well why not leave me be, I say to thee, and get on with your own life, see

How can I keep people like this at arm’s length, please lord, show me the way, give me some strength
Make it easy and nice, so life is a bit more simple, not so full grief, all night long
Not much space for happiness, with this kind of carry on
It makes the days seem so very long, and full of darkness, with little sign of the sun
When these people did-respect my boundaries and walls, like they don’t even exist at all
Must I really become violent, volatile, unpredictable and all
Is this the way to make them stall, so I can have some peace of mind
So I ain’t driven up the wall

Am I gonna die from this, am I gonna cease to exist
Or will I find the strength from somewhere new, to carry on, like you must do
Not to give into these people and let them win. For that to happen, surely it would be a sin
Can’t have that, it would never do
When I get the finances right, I’ll be moving from here with much delight
Never to see these people again, then maybe I’ll laugh when I look back when
Life was hard, tough and not too nice
Being trapped in situations beyond my control, but that’s what it’s like sometimes
When you’re stuck on the dole, you’re stuck deep down in a hole
In situations and predicaments, not of one’s choosing or delight

Best look to the future, knowing and trusting it will come right
All these hard times will soon be outta sight, put em behind you, and move on anew
That’s what resilient people strive for, and that’s what you can do
So maybe I’ll have to be, not what I want to see
Be volatile, violent, unpredictable and cruel, but only as a boundary to keep these people away
Gotta save myself from the people like this. No more forgiving, no more second chances
So we can all make up, till the next flare up advances

How dare you try and treat me like a fool, after all I’ve been through, since I left school
You don’t know my life, and what I have seen, it’s quite surprising really I ain’t a whole lot more mean
Gotta be aware how sneaky some people can, they who can deceive, and molest you unseen
Who hide their motives under the cover of friendship, kindness, and real concern, but at all times they are looking for weakness, for a way in, to dig at your soul, and destroy what you got.
Even if what you got, ain’t a lot. But they will steal your happiness, contentment, and joy at just living life
What you got, they take, and destroy it, if given a shot
God knows why they carry on like this, are they that unhappy with their own lives, gone amiss
Or is it something more, that maybe they should explore, this desire, to take down and destroy
It’s not really the way to live if you ask my advice.

Best thing to do is look out for the snake in the grass, cause before you know it
They will be right up your ass, and not in a good way to give you pleasure and joy
More an entry to be cruel and destroy.
To take whatever happiness you’ve managed to gain, to find fault with your life and critise with disdain, in a nasty devious way that will drive you insane.
That’s like injecting cruelty directly into your veins. They criticise and cut down whatever you achieve, because it gives em such joy to see you bleed
Don’t you allow them to do that to you whatever you do. Cause then they’ll hold the reins, of your life character and soul. But don’t give it to them, cause they aint nothing but assholes…so that’s it friends, be on your guard
Defend yourself, from those who treat you with such disregard
If you see them coming, or can suss them out, turn on your heels and shout out loud
Look out guys, we got a snake in the grass, do what you can, but cover your ass
Cause these people are no good, they’ll soon bring you down
That’s why I say, steer well clear, otherwise it will cost you dear
In terms of spiritual unhappiness and mental hurt and distress
One of these days you may find you just can’t bounce back

As all this madness will make you feel like a mess
They will entrap and entice you with friendship and more
Doing what they can to get to your core
When they get in, they will start committing their sins
As they try and use you as their psychological punchbag, come human dustbin
Don’t let them in, that’s my advice, keep them out, that’s my shout
Cause once they get in, it’s downhill from their
As they won’t be content till they have you pulling out your hair
In anger despair, bewilderment and more
Then they’ve won, and got what they want
But don’t you allow yourself to sink in that swamp
Don’t you mind them, because these are only tools, that these people use
To get inside your mind and soul, so they can search around for what they can use
They will surround you like a boxer in the ring, looking for a weakness, an opening
So they can commit their sins,in you life

Is it jealousy, envy, or god knows what, it’s too deep a problem to give it a shot
I ain’t a counsellor, psychologist or priest, do I really need to figure out, why they act like some kind of beast
It ain’t down to me to sort them out, tried kindness, understanding, patience and all
But it just seems like, most of the time, I’m banging my head against a brick wall
Where my words are twisted, to make me look wrong, where my good deeds are wasted
I’m being taken for a fool all along
I ain’t no fool, I see what’s happening what’s going on here
People you love ,and treat so very dear, for their own mad reasons, which are somewhat unclear
Want to treat you bad, and make you mad, and leave you bewildered and even quite sad
As you try to figure out, why they act like they do, as they twist and turn that crazy psychological screw
Nothing changes, nothing will, in my view these people are really mentally ill

I didn’t cause it, I can’t fix it, in any case, it ain’t my job, ain’t gonna waste my life sorting ‘em out
I’ll point them in the right direction, if they are willing to take that on board
If they aint willing to follow that advice they can fall on their sword
I’ll lose no sleep, that’s the attitude you gotta take, or i’m gonna take
For the sake of my health, both mental and physical, make no mistake
I’ve showed them the way, down that path is your cure,
Take it or leave it, i’m out the door
I ain’t too bothered how they get on with there life
I’ve tried my best for them, and had enough of your strife
Your madness, manipulations, craziness and more, I ain’t your bitch, I ain’t your whore
Find another fool, to fall into your web, is it any wonder many times I wish they were dead

To be contined.