Alcohol Free

ALCOHOL FREE.

ALCOHOL FREE, IS THIS REALLY FOR ME

CAN I STICK IT OUT. TRULY I HAVE MY DOUBTS.

ITS EARLY DAYS, BUT I’M COUNTING, WATCHING THE MINUTES AND HOURS, SLOWLY TICK BY

IT’LL GET BETTER THEY SAY, BUT I ACHE AND DREAM ABOUT A DRINK, MOST DAYS

IT’S A STRUGGLE I MUST ADMIT, AS I SIT AND CONTEMPLATE MY LIFE

IT’S BEEN A LONG SEVEN DAYS, SECOND ATTEMPT, FAILED LAST TIME AT DAY ELEVEN

WHEN AM I GOING TO GET THE YOUNG LOOKING SKIN AND CLEAR EYES

OR IS THAT A FALSE PROMISE, AND JUST YOUR LIES

THESE WEEKLY PHOTOS I’M TAKING BETTER SHOW MUCH PROGRESS IN MY AGE REVERSAL

OR PRETTY SOON, IMPATIENCE AND FRUSTRATION SHALL WIN OUT

THEN THEIR WILL BE NO MORE SITTING ON THE FENCE, ALCOHOL FREE, NOT FOR ME 

AT LEAST THAT PAIN I WAS GETTING AROUND THE LIVER IS GOING AWAY

I DON’T WAKE AT NIGHT WITH A RACING HEART, WONDERING IF I SHOULD VISIT THE HOSPITAL

I HAVE MANY EXCUSES TO DRINK. HOW ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE, AND THE WAY THE ARE

FRUSTRATION AT LIFE, CAREER NOT GOING YOUR WAY. LOVE A BARREN HORIZON

THROW IN A PANDEMIC. WHAT MORE OF A REASON DO YOU NEED

BUT A DRINKING SESSION IS ONLY A VERY TEMPORARY RELIEF, FOLLOWED BY DEPRESSION ABOUT WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN, AND ANXIETY FOR THE FUTURE UNSEEN, AND FEELING SO PHYSICALLY UNWELL

IT’S NOW AT LEAST THREE DAYS BEFORE I’M BACK ON MY FEET. A LOT TO DO WITH AGE, OF COURSE

WHEN I WAS YOUNGER I COULD BOUNCE BACK, BUT NOW NOT SO MUCH

FILL YOUR BODY WITH A REGISTERED POISON, AND CARCINOGENIC, YOU’VE ONLY YOURSELF TO BLAME

DON’T BE SURPRISED WHEN YOUR BODY SAYS HEY FOOL, WE’RE LEAVING ALL THIS ABUSE. GOODBYE TO YOU 

WHAT IS IT THAT ALCOHOL GIVES TO ME ? A CHANGE OF MY MENTAL STATE. A NUMBING OF MY FEELING STATE, AND AIN’T THAT REALLY GREAT

A TEMPORARY REPRIEVE OF ALL THAT CAUSE ME TO SEETH, WITH ANGER AND FRUSTRATION YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE

CALMS MY MIND FOR AN HOUR OR TWO, UNTIL LIKE SOME WILD HURRICANE, THESE FORCES ARE AGAIN UNLEASHED DOUBLED UP AND MORE CRUEL TOO

DON’T LIKE THE WAY I THINK. DON’T LIKE THE WAY I FEEL, WITH ALCOHOL ONBOARD

BUT DRINK IS PART OF THE CULTURE, IT’S WHAT A MAN MUST DO

ALCOHOL BRINGS PEOPLE TOGETHER, ENCOURAGES A SENSE OF COMMUNITY AND TOGETHERNESS IN A JOB, IN A TEAM. WE’RE ALL IN THIS ALTOGETHER, KNOW WHAT I MEAN, OR SO WE’RE LED TO BELIEVE

BY THE POWERFUL MARKETING DEPARTMENTS OF GLOBAL ALCOHOL CORPORATIONS WORLDWIDE

HAVE WE ALL BEING HOODWINKED, AND TAKEN FOR RIDE / FOOLS

A CELERATION, A SADNESS. TOO BUSY, MAYBE BORED, WHY HERE ARE SOME TOOLS YOU CAN USE

THEIRS BEER TO BRING GOOD CHEER. SPIRITS TO COMMISERATE A LOSS

WINE TO HELP YOU COPE, NOW THAT THESE CHILDREN ARE IN BED

NEED TO BE MORE SOCIAL, WHY NOT TRY A COCKTAIL OR TWO

YOU TOO CAN BE SOPHISTICATED AND CHARMING, AND HAVE LOVERS CHASING AFTER YOU

JUST LIKE WE SEE IN THE MOVIES AND THE ADVERTS TOO

WANT TO BE A TOUGH GUY, HAVE A DRINK OR TWO

I DON’T WANT TO BE LIKE THOSE DAM TEETOTALERS, SO CHRISTIAN AND GODLIKE 

HOW BORING CAN THAT BE, ADRIFT IN A SEA OF SOBRIETY

WHAT ABOUT YOUR WILD SPIRIT, AND A QUEST TO BE FREE

DO I WANT TO LIVE THAT BORING LIFE, ALL GOODY TWO SHOES, AND NEVER STEPPING OUT OF LINE

WHILE THAT MAY BE FINE FOR OTHERS, DON’T KNOW IF I WANT TO MAKE SUCH A LIFE MINE

THERE SEEMS MORE DOWNSIDES THAN UPSIDES DRINKING NOW

HEALTH WORRIES, DEPRESSION, ANXIETY. ACTIONS TAKEN AND LATER REGRETTED

PROMISES MADE TO MYSELF AND NEVER FOLLOWED THROUGH ON

HIDING FROM LIFE AND WHAT I TRULY FEEL. EMOTIONAL MATURITY STILL AT AGE 15

WHEN ALCOHOL FIRST GOT A HOLD OF ME

 A WAY TO ESCAPE A HOMELIFE THAT WAS TOO DIFFICULT TO SEE

MY WAY OF HIDING FROM WHAT WAS IN FRONT OF ME

WITH THAT IN THE PAST, DO I NEED TO CONTINUE DOWN THIS PATH

Empty Life

Photo by Daniel Jensen on Unsplash

Empty life, gambling urges, coming on strong
Yes, I give up, I give in, your stronger than me
I cannot resist, this urge I have to feed
There I have done it, I have gambled, I have lost once again
Why dose it feel so wonderful to be back here again
What’s the psychology of this disease
Where I find no peace, nor contentment until I deplete my finances
I will struggle over the next few weeks, all my own fault of course
Don’t you Pity me, don’t you do that
My choice’s, decisions by my own hand
You can never win, at the casino’s, take my word
No matter how inviting it looks on the screen, and the possibilities they offer to entice
Don’t you be drawn int that abyss of misery, worry tension and concern
Cause that’s where it is leading, when will we ever learn
A very temporary release from life’s distress, disappointment, bewilderment, and frustrations
But they will still be here tomorrow, but you like I, will have a lighter wallet
While those on the other side, will laugh, smirk and live it up, at your expense.

Which Way Now ?

Photo Credit : Photo Credit : https://pixabay.com/en/users/Kaz-19203/

Indecision is the worst, make’s you want to burst with the stress of it all
What if, what now. Time is running out. Tension and angry moods
Matched by those you meet. No more smiling faces, and happy vibes
My energy is tense, anxious all up in my head
These are the people I’m meeting, not what I wish to see
Could be something in that law of attraction
What you are, that mood, that vibe, and energy that you project
This is what you see out and about

I think most have learned by now, if you’re in an angry mood stay home
Your better off being alone, at least for now
Otherwise the people you meet, who may have being sweet last week
May turn into monsters, you’d rather avoid
Serious unsmiling, unfriendly people, this is what I’m meeting currently
How can you be this way, is what I’d like to ask them
But better not, as they don’t seem open to conversation
Best let it lay, and figure it out myself

Must be down to the vibes I’m putting out
My worry, indecision and tension. Focusing all on that
I look forward to when I’m back on an even keel, where I’m just chillin
No angst, no more what if’s, what should I do
Make your decision and stand by that. Whatever may be, will be
I mean it’s only a damn piano, not saving live’s lost at sea
This living in the moment, being right here, right now
Is near impossible, when you have issues to solve
I list the pros, and con’s for and against, and whichever is ahead
I go with that
But what I’m I wrong, and make a mistake, and regret the choice I made
As one guy said one time, all you get from sitting on the fence, is a sore backside
This fella was no philosopher, but what he said is true
So I’m going to get off that fence, make that choice, that’s what I’m going to do
And expect the tension, and anger to disappear
Hopefully then my life, my world will get back to some sort of peace, and tranquility.