My views on the world as I see it. The people I interact with, and how they carry on. Which is sometimes rather strange, psychologically unhealthy, toxic for sure. Some people just ain't worth the bother, honestly. Be they family, partners, or at times, even children. The main photo below is the view from Galway Bay across the sea, to the magical Burren, Co.Clare, Ireland, and pretty nice it is too.
I’ve Done It, I’ve Fallen, I’ve Failed Once Again When In The Name Of God Is This Gonna End I Promised, I Said No, Not Ever Again Yet Once More I ’ve Crossed Over That Line Once Again
Well I Ever Get Sense, Or Is It Something More Should I Seek Help To Sort Myself Out Or Pretend Nothing’s Happening, Carry On Same As Before Shut That Door, What’s Done In Private, Who’s Gonna Know I Won’t Be Telling, I’ve More Sense Than That
But This Still Ain’t Right, This Carry On I Know Deep Down That There Is Something Wrong But Is Writing Here In A Poem, Gonna Give Me The Solution I’m Searching For What Can I Do To Make It Come Right, This God I Ask, Give Me Some Insight
I Know Full Well What I Gotta Do But I’m Enjoying Too Much, To Stop Doing It So Soon It Reward’s And Please’s Me, Deep In My Soul But At The End Of The Day, It’s Only Myself I’m Foolin
I may drool as play, but now my anger is coming to the fore
How many more times will I promise, no more, no more
An empty promise I know I cannot keep, will this drive me to find the help I should seek
I saw a black cat today, who crossed my path, in my mind I was saying
You see that, an omen, a sign, you take that on board
Today’s your day son, it’s going come right
And of course it did not, another loss, more despair I can’t afford
Is there any point asking you Lord, why are you giving me such a cross to bear
I know wha the answer is, what I gotta do, whether I will do it or not, remains to be seen.
Are you, like me, suffering joint pain. Is this what aging is all about, for goodness sake, I may be getting on now, but in my mind, I am about 27 yrs old, and that’s what I’m sticking with.
Anyways currently I am recovering from various joint pains, in the ‘SI joint, the knee joint, the elbow joint , and general musculature tightness in the body. What I found helpful, and seems to be working is improving the diet, including foods such as turmeric, ginger, cider apple vinegar, and overall a healthy diet.
You know, the usual, plenty of fruit , veggies, bone broth soup, plenty of protein etc, etc, yada, yada.
So anyways I came across this guy, and his web site, for healing joint /musculature malfunction, and if you follow his suggestions, give it a week or so, it really does seem to work. I have experienced that myself, so maybe check him out, and click on a few of his adverts to help him out. All his info is free, with much good feedback.
Do not make the mistake I made with the trigger point therapy with tennis balls, or lacrosse balls etc. Do not use these balls on bony area’s of the body such as rib cage and so on. Only use on areas of large muscle groups, shoulder or backside for example, otherwise you will suffer and possibly damage your bones, trust me. Just beware.
He was invisible to them. Nobody noticed him, or at least pretended not to notice him. He sat like the rest of us, in the railway station waiting room, seeking refuge from the bitter cold outside. At least it was warm. We sat with our luggage, and warming tea and recently purchased, quiet expensive sandwiches.
He sat huddled with dirty track bottoms, and dirty shoes. A black anorak, with a hood covering his head, and slim frame. He had no hot tea, or sandwich. His arms folded over covering himself. Never once did he raise his head, to see what was going on around him. Never once did he ask of any of us in that waiting room for a few quid to help him out. He just sat with his eyes closed, head pointed down towards the ground, the whole time I watched him. He was no more than nineteen years old I guess.
I studied him, and the people around him, and wondered did the other travellers not even see him. Did he not exist in their minds. Was he a non entity ? Could they not see another human being obviously suffering and down on his luck. People nearby read there newspapers. Played with their expensive mobile phones. One or two of the more obnoxious travellers conducted business deals, excited, smug and self satisfied with another deal successful concluded. Oblivious to this young guy, within ten feet of them. The middle aged ladies discussing their travel plans, and the relatives they would be visiting. Some played games, caught up with emails on their tablets. Other studied the screen as it displayed and reloaded the upcoming train times. reorganising their plans. I wondered where would he go, when he would inevitably be asked to leave the shelter of the warm waiting room, and what would he do tomorrow and the next day, and the next. How had life brought him to this.
As I watched the other temporary inhabitants of that waiting room, I silently questioned their humanity. I also questioned my own, as I left the warmth of the waiting room, to catch my train without stopping to offer him help, of some description. Was it embarrassment, fear of his reaction, or did want to draw any attention to myself. What ever it was, I never figured it. Would I act differently in a similar situation again. That I could not say. I would like to think I would be more humane, but who knows.
Are you searching for love , just like me
But wherever you look, you just cannot see, someone who might fit the bill completely
What I find, are people whom I don’t mind, but would rather not become entwined with
Where’s my soulmate, my lover to be, it’s like searching the ocean for something I cannot see
Occasionally do come across a possible candidate, who may fill the role
But it’s so unexpected I’m caught on the hop, an electric shock, that we both feel
Stuck for words to invite and entice
Where are my seduction skills, my comfort, my making a connection skills
A fleeting glance, a seduction dance, would you like to come home with me
Where’s all this law of attraction, or even magick and witchcraft, trying all sorts but aint getting any traction
It aint a one night stand I’m hunting for, it’s love and comfort, kindness and more
I had a situation the other day, a lady of distinction looked my way
So taken aback was I, could not hold her eye
Prettiness like you ain’t never seen, but she was quiet taken by me
Aint too sure why, I aint no Brad Pitt, George Clooney, or some such guy
But I’m alright looking I suppose
I’m soo used to girls not giving a toss, I may as well be invisible to them
So I’m at a loss to understand all this
So anyways I approached and began to chat, she was selling whatever at some stall in the shopping centre mall
But so out of practice was I, my confidence and chatter, was not stellar, and that aint no lie
It did not help that she was Eastern European, who are not known for their warmth and friendliness, and could be construed as kinda mean, and somewhat unfriendly
The chat was functional, brief and to the point, but I did not meet the requirements of what she wanted
So I wandered off, but man, she was hot, and I wanted her, to be in love with me
What was missing from her, was warmth and engagement, that had me heading for the door
Then I read and considered, that coldness and frosteness, is the norm, ( In Eastern Europe) and perhaps she was quiet shy, with limited social skills
But man, trying to chat up a shy person, is draining, is depressing, like drawing blood from a stone, I was getting exhausted on all levels, just trying
I was not going to let this bird go, as I fancied way too much, for that to be so
So a few days later, in the sopping centre I found myself again, after having practised and imagined my chat within, hoping against hope, she still be there
Low and behold she was, in her beauty and prettiness, a vision to behold
I had it all planned in my head, how I’d interact with her
How it was going to be
But in my imagining I had nt anticipated the fella at the stand who wanted to speak to me
As I made my way, towards my love to be, he pushed himself forward, and hijacked me
This is not how I had planed it was going to be
As he spouted on about the benefits of the product he was trying to sell
Out of politeness I just listened well, but I could not shake him, the dirty c…
Which I wanted to soo much to do, I had zero interest in the products on sale
It was just that bird I was after, that is all I’m sayin
Eventually I made it clear to him, trying to sign me up for such products, was nothing more than a sin
His attitude quickly changed, from ‘Yes Sir / No Sir’, to ‘Alright mate, Yeah mate’, when he saw he could not draw me in
I noted that within my mind, to be ever mindful, of how people can quickly change when they can see, you int an easy mark, who can be drained
But anyways back to this bird and me, as I was leaving I approached her, see
At the time she was trying to entice and sell, to the passing consumers
My words were rapid, interview style. Not the best way to engage a female, I Know, iI know
But time was short , the pressure was on, but her answers were so functional, and business like, it just wasnt on
So I left and considered my position, did she fancy me or not, and decided the latter
After a nights sleep, and much searching on YouTube, I concluded she was perhaps shy, and lacking social skills. Add eastern European to that, and make of that what you will
So the next day again, to the shopping center I ventured, and sat nearby in Starbucks, hoping against hope she’d pass by
It would be way too awakard for me to approach the stand again, it would just be way too awardard
She did not appear, like I had imagined she would
I walked the promade, by the sea, hoping she be their
But it was not to be
I had to take to my bed, with depression and remorse
Sorrow and grief, that had to be experienced to be believed
Now at this stage I am asking what do I got to do, to make this be
I’m looking at the Sedona method, EFT, you name it
Sigils, affirmations, I am that really desperate
But that’s how it is, see
I’ll make no bones, I want to be in love
For her to be in love with me, harmony , peace and tranquility
Happiness, joy, comfort and companionship
That’s what I’m after, for t]both of us
I’m seriously hoping to meet her again, in a more better situation
Where it will flow right, much to my delight
Well I’ll just have to see what happens, weather that will ever be.
Is life torture to you, and you just don’t know what to do
Do you wish it was over now, just wishing for the end
Is everything what you wanted not coming true
The love of your life not appearing
That career, you aint even sure of, not showing up
The wealth you dreamed of, seems such an impossible dream
Your aspirations to enhance the lives of others, seem empty futile, even obscene
Where is it all gone wrong, the people you meet daily, not want you want to see
They are the damn opposite of what you see in your dreams
Where’s that compatible partner, why just can’t they appear
You know, just like magick
That career you hanker after, how come it just disappears
Where’s the end to this, God alone knows
Where are the people you expect to show up, as you did for them
With their care, their consideration, or is that an empty dream
You were there for them, but now they ain’t nowhere to be seen
Make’s one question deeply, are some friendships what they purport to be
Is your body up the creek, with no end in sight
No healing miracles, about to come your way, and put things right
It’s stuff like this, that at times make’s it hard to carry on
With no brightness ahead, it all looks rather……trying
It’s at times like this, pleasure is in short supply
With a negative outlook, you might think abut dying
Many, many days like this, and life can seem like torture, and I ain’t lying
Have you got someone in your life saying, you don’t matter, you hardly exist
What’s going on with you, is of little and no concern
But yet they watch and analyse every move you make
Give there view on your preconceived mistakes, do they not believe in live and let live
Why can they not live their own lives, instead of living your life for you
Instead they find fault with all that you do, they that have little, to non existent respect
Why don’t you just hide away, until I discern you may be worth interacting with
But only to bring you down, as I lift myself up, and watch you squirm
Once again you’ve fallen for my my false sense of love and concern
But I care nothing for you, when will you ever learn
You are nothing to me, but a psychological punchbag, on whom I can let free
Destroy, and tear down, with words that cut to the core
Words that will reverberate for evermore within your mind
Even when I’m gone from this world, my words will destroy and control you
From beyond the grave
You got people like this in your life, throw them out, before they take your soul, your spirit, your life
Take my word, you see people like this, close to you. Shut them down, cut them out
This is what you must do. This is what you must do
Watching trough the window, another sunny day, another lovely day
Blue skies, and fluffy clouds, birds high in the sky
As you sit alone in your house, contemplating the benefits should you die
Maybe I may change my mind, another Netflix movie, foreign language perhaps
Engage my mind fully. Proper diet, positive views, you know, like you should do
Maybe life won’t seem so bad. Gotto keep bouncing back
Sure we’ll see what we can do. If it all seems worth it…..
If you are suffering from health / posture issues, check out these people. I find them quiet good. Some of the best I’ve come across, and I have viewed many, many videos of this type.
I seem to have a problem with gambling me, I can’t seem to stop doing it, see Even though I know I’m ain’t going to win It’s the light’s the spinning wheels that draw you in I win a bit now and then, but generally speaking I lose it again The house always seems to win out in the end
But it’s also to do with the pleasure centers in the brain The dopamine that’s secreted, help’s hide life’s pain When you watch the spinning wheel’s on the slot’s Will you win, will you lose That’s the hit you’re after, that adrenaline,and that fear That’s what you hold so very dear That’s why you crave to try it again Cause to the brain, it’s now a source of pleasure, and that’s when it gets tricky
Why do I gamble so much, what’s giving me such a rush The chance to win a fortune, to take me away from here To make my life seem happier, to make my problems disappear They may go away for a day or two But they always show up again, have no fear
I feel and get so angry when I lose, that I jump right back in Spend even more money determined to win, again I lose, what a fool But maybe I should go easy on myself, and try to uncover the reasons why I gamble like I do To figure out the trigger point’s When I have them sorted out, maybe I won’t gamble so much.
The trigger point’s as I can see, are boredom, loneliness and angry energy, and uncomfortable feelings But these feelings come and go, for everyone on this planet I don’t want to be rushing to the casino, every time I feel this way Emptying my wallet
How to deal with such feelings, without it costing a packet Could try alcohol, but that’s a similar addiction I’ve long since given up cigarettes so that’s a no, no too As I like to keep my health in check, so that’s not something I will do
If I can see the trigger points that are forcing me to gamble Sit down and analyze, could try from that angle, for a while Maybe if I could stop and think about the consequences of that step If I open up the laptop, and have another bet But it’s not that easy to stop and think, when your mind is pushing you to gamble When you get drawn in by the spinning wheel’s and flashing lights The possibility of a win But I get so angry when I lose, which is all I ever seem to do I’m now spending cash set aside for bill’s, that’s a bad sign,and I know that
I did an online quiz the other night, to see if I had a problem Of the twenty questions asked, I answered in the affirmative to a lot of them Not all of course, approx fifty percent or so At the end of the quiz, the computer said gee whiz, you definitely have a problem I did not like that answer, so I did the quiz once again This time not being so honest with my answers But the computer screamed at me, yes man, you do have a problem
That set me thinking, have no doubt I have bills to pay, ain’t got the cash today, because I gave it to the casino Usually I’d jump back in, and try to win again But it’s only myself I’m fooling At least I’m lucky in a way, having a bit of insight into myself Not ashamed to say, I may be a gambler today
But I’m going get on top of this, before it ruins my life Cause it can bring a lot of heartache, to a family and a wife So I think my strategy for now will be, to figure out the trigger point’s To turn my mind to other things, when the urges come calling To let go of the idea of revenge To make the casino’s pay, for all the cash they’ve had from me But that’s a foolish way to think That kind of thinking will only make you sink To the depths of despair, sadly you won’t be the only one there With the odds stacked in there favour, that’s a foolish way to think That’s a hopeless strategy That could lead to homelessness, bankruptcy,or some other None too pleasant possibilities
How about losing your wife, your children turning away Perhaps a spell in prison, would that make your day Cause these are the end destination’s where you may end up If you continue to gamble and cannot stop So it ain’t too funny now, if you look at it that way
I’ll read these gambling websites and see what others do See their stories, hear their tales Hopefully it will help me cope, when the urges come calling I know these urges to gamble will come, but I now know they will pass Not get drawn in, just keep deferring it for ten minutes That way I’ll get through the day, without gambling at all So hopefully it will get better after all
Even on the day I wrote this poem A few hours later I was back on the laptop again Badgered by my intuition, or so I thought, screaming at me, now’s your chance Now is your day, it’ll make all your troubles go away You’re bound to win, it’s not a sin, so lay that bet, it’ll set you free It’s your way to freedom, do it and see Needless to say I did not win, and feel very angry and foolish yet again But I can see it’s just my mind fooling me That’s how deceptive this addiction can be
But I’ll not get caught again, I’m mad as hell after losing again I’m now wise to my own mind, and the tricks it plays on me Their will be no next time, this I swear, I swear to me The worst that can happen in a casino, is that you win That’s what keeps drawing you back in Believing if you were lucky once, you’ll be lucky again It’s just a matter of getting the timing right
I’m tired of being fooled by this thing, I will not give in anymore But even as I write these lines, I’m planning when I can get back in Maybe limit the amount that I play, I’m sure to have a lucky day That’s how mad this addiction is, in the past six days I’ve spent ninety quid With very little to show for it, except for the blood pressure rising high As I watch my bank account sink so low I don’t know if i’ll ever give it up, as I do derive some pleasure from it But i’ll certainly cut down the amount I spend Try to find pleasure in other ways I don’t feel like gambling when my mind is calm, with life going well and at ease But how often is that, not only for me, but for everyone on the planet So we’ll have to see how it goes, this saga of casinos and I.
Another few seconds to curtain call, and another performance. Another audience wowed, and stunned. The culture vultures lapping up the latest performance, and expecting nothing but the best, the most experimental, and innovative.
The lights went down, the audience hushed in silence and anticipation, the curtains opened, and it was on. His soul was bear. This was it. His choreography. His talent, and inspiration was on show, for his followers to either love or detest it. He took the first few steps, timidly and nervously. But he knew that action would conquer the anxiety, the unwarranted feeling of defeat. The abject terror, as he looked out among the stage lights. Feelings he was well familiar with. The audience beyond invisible to him. He brought his mind away from the fear and into his body, as he had being trained to do so in his homeland, over many years.
His memory returned to his stern, unsmiling teacher of long ago, who demanded nothing less than perfection from her students. He recalled how she had made them practice the same moves over and over. Slapping her walking cane hard onto the wooden floor, many times in frustration, at the National Academy. He could picture her now. The still slim, body of a dancer. The ever present cigarette dangling from her hands, as she elegantly moved her hands in tune to the music. Her swan like grace, as she walked around the dance area, not betraying her advanced years. They, as young children were more than fearful of her anger and temper. She was not satisfied, until it bordered on near perfection. He was glad of her tutelage now. His confidence in his ability as a dancer was high. It was how the new show would be received, which made him somewhat anxious. It was his choreography his music. A lot rested on its success.
Financial success. Public success or humiliation. He had no choice, he had to risk it. He knew without risk, there would be no chance of success. The assembled dance company waited in the wings, for there call onto the stage. They were ambivalent towards him, and his knew offering. Success or failure, it hardly mattered to them. They were just minnows, instruments in his creation. Discordant sounds emanated from the darkened orchestra pit. Some in the audience began to cough in disapproval. He focused his mind into his body, feeling the floor beneath his feet. Feeling air round his head as he leaped high on the stage, and spread his arms wide. He could of course have retired, and lived of the adulation and worldwide praise for his many previous innovative creations. But the lure of further acclaim, and worship was too enticing. To hard to forgo. Two of the other dancers joined him on stage, as was there cue, as the music slowly moved from it slow quiet disjointed beginnings, rose in volume and melody raising to a small crescendo, and retreating back again to the disjointed, discordant quiet beginning.
The dancers on stage, gracefully, and elegantly glided around the stage, in movement to the music, following his lead. There expressive faces, displaying there intense joy and concentration to the task at hand. At one with the music, he was no longer aware of the audience, nor his fellow dancers. Lost in movement. Lost in his body. He danced joyfully from one corner of the stage, transversing it with ease, gracefully leaping high into the air, when called for. A young naked child entered the stage, and danced with slow engaging movements, as was called for.
The few cat calls started low, sporadically. The occasional theater program thrown on stage. The audience coughing, becoming distinctly louder. The disgruntled and disappointed and outraged audience, making there feelings known, as another naked child, slowly dancing in tune to music, joined the dancers on stage and followed his lead.
‘Outrageous’,
‘degenerite’
‘shame on you’,
The audience called aloud. But he was oblivious to them. He was lost in the creative movement of the dance. The audience looked to the royal box, where the Tsar looked on for a few more moments, before slapping his gloves hard on the mahogany balcony. His face contorted with rage. His eyes angry. He called for his adjutant, before leaving the the royal box with his wife. Many of the audience followed his lead. The cat calls and condemnation from the audience overpowering the music, as some of the outraged moved from there seats, and angrily rushed the stage.
In his joy and happiness , he danced as he had never danced before.
Knife crime, gun crime, another young kid dying
Use that blade, shoot that gun, then when you do that
It’s all done
Think your tough, think your brave
What you really are, is afraid
Do onto other’s, before they do onto you
These are the actions of cowardly men
Weak, pitiful and meek man
Another drive by shooting, another young kid losing
Anyone with a knife, can take a life
Anyone with a gun, can make others run
Here son, take my gun, make the people hide
Make’s you feel real powerful, that ain’t no lie
What will Jesus say to you when you die
You took that man’s life, and now you must pay the price
Seek your redemption down there behind the gates of hell
Listen for evermore to that tolling bell
Where are the celebrities, the football stars, the ex gang members
To preach the peace, to these young people who behind it all
Behind the bravado, the brutal weapons, are small, afraid and weak
That one day it will they who is layed out a slab, as their relatives gather to send them off
As they become nothing more than dust
Wasted lives cut down so young, surely something can be done
Government cutbacks, so you can feed the fat cats
Now look what you’ve done, so many young people dying by the gun
Preachers, pastors and church leaders, we look to you for guidance
How come you’ve all gone so quiet
Are you out and about, tending to the young, showing them the folly of their ways
Maybe your hiding in your ivory towers, waiting for better days
When it all goes away
Are you Mother’s talking to your son’s, showing them the futility of carrying a gun
Father’s where are you, educating your children, you know, as you should do
With a guiding hand, showing them the lay of the land
The road to take, to be a better man
Brother’s and sister’s I ask of you, what it is you are going to do
Or will you look the other way too. You know what it is you must do
Teacher’s what are you doing in there. Is it anything, or do you not care
Or is it, that your afraid and scared
You have a duty, a responsibly too. We entrust our children onto you
For many hours every day. Your people of influence, have your say
Try to lead them clear, to see a better way
We look to you all to guide the young
To say the life your planning on living, is nothing but a dead end
Pull away from where your headed, it’s not where you want to be
Where are the community leaders, and youth leaders, where’s your voice, where’s your anger
We are relying now on your candour, pull no punches, say it loud
This behavior will not be tolerated nor allowed
We will shop you to the police, as we stand together in a crowd
We want out children home tonite, from the wild streets they roam
Where are these people to find that sense of bravery they seek
Hiding behind weapons of death, seem to make them look so weak
A loser who hides behind artificial means, to get what he needs
That sense of courage, bravery and daring do
If you want all that, join the damn army, that’s what you can do
They will welcome you, little fool
Kill, stab, main, travel the world and get paid for inflicting pain
Meddle in other countries affairs, bomb them to kingdom come
When your done the government will welcome you home as a hero
If you lose your legs or half your head on duty
Well they’ll hide you away, so you’ll have little say
Give you a medal to make your day
Another funeral, more anger and tears. Promises of revenge to quench their fears
The circle of death and violence, never end’s
Those who live by violence, if you keep knocking on that door
One day soon, life will even up the score
Will these young people ever learn
These young people should be embarrassed and ashamed to say
I used a gun or a knife on some other fella today
Cause that’s what I am, nothing but a cowardly, ineffectual man
Other’s don’t look to you and see a brave hero
They see a fool, who has nothing to be proud of in life
You ain’t got nothing, you got zero
Bravery, self worth and courage, are earned by pushing yourself to the limit
Not stealing someone’s life, at the point of a knife or a gun
Where are these rap stars, these social media stars
Using the power of their popularity to guide the youth of today
We need you to come out, and have your say
Tv program makers, make them sit up and listen
Say no more to this cowardly way, of acting to settle trivial scores
This ain’t the way it’s gotta be, watch and listen to this
There are alternatives to this, you will see
We gotto make them see, the consequences of their actions
For the lives they are taking
The impact it can have on a family and friends, when a loved one is unnecessary taken
In a non recoverable instant of anger and revenge
The untold human pain, and distress
That many will struggle to recover, from such a psychological mess
What might have been, what should have been, in a life lived full and to the brim
Instead of a barren empty chasm, that’s impossible to fill again
You aint brave, your just a slave to the media and tv, and other’s
Who would have you believe, you gotto take a life by gun or by knife
To add value, worth and bravery to your crew
Don’t be a fool to fall for that, whatever you do
Find better friends, and influences, should you need to make amends
For perceived disrespect put upon you
Handle it like a man, slap him round the face if you can
Rather than take his life with a hole in the head, as you shoot him dead
For words, that perhaps should have being left un-said
Slice and stab his life away with your knife
What about his young child and wife, can you really face that
Taking a mans life
That’s how real it get’s, friend’s stunned, Mother’s and Father’s wailing
Brother’s and sister’s going crazy
Human pain that never leaves, an aching heart, that forever bleeds
If you carry out that evil deed
Please think twice before you raise that knife, and take someone’s life
This is real, it ain’t no video game. They ain’t waking up, once you slay ’em
They are proper dead. Get that right, inside your head
How would you feel. How would you deal, with one of your own, not coming home
Cause some young guy, was too free and easy with a weapon
Proving a point, releasing his hate, on someone he blames
For imagined disrespect or similar
Unlike Lazarus, not too many can rise from the dead
When all is said and done, me old son
So before you take that fatal step, and shoot some guy through the head
Or stick him through with a knife, as any one could do
Have a think about the future consequences
Life has a way of paying back, what you give out returns ten fold
Have a think about that, perhaps you won’t feel so tough and bold
Karma is a real deal, and will leave a permanent seal on you and your family’s life
London 2018, what will we see today before the sun goes down.
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MyWorldView721.Wordpess.Com 