Gambling 2.

Gambling 2.

I’ve Done It, I’ve Fallen, I’ve Failed Once Again
When In The Name Of God Is This Gonna End
I Promised, I Said No, Not Ever Again
Yet Once More I ’ve Crossed Over That Line Once Again

Well I Ever Get Sense, Or Is It Something More
Should I Seek Help To Sort Myself Out
Or Pretend Nothing’s Happening, Carry On Same As Before
Shut That Door, What’s Done In Private, Who’s Gonna Know
I Won’t Be Telling, I’ve More Sense Than That

But This Still Ain’t Right, This Carry On
I Know Deep Down That There Is Something Wrong
But Is Writing Here In A Poem, Gonna Give Me The Solution I’m Searching For
What Can I Do To Make It Come Right, This God I Ask, Give Me Some Insight

I Know Full Well What I Gotta Do
But I’m Enjoying Too Much, To Stop Doing It So Soon
It Reward’s And Please’s  Me, Deep In My Soul
But At The End Of The Day, It’s Only Myself I’m Foolin
I may drool as play, but now my anger is coming to the fore
How many more times will I promise, no more, no more

An empty promise I know I cannot keep, will this drive me to find the help I should seek
I saw a black cat today, who crossed my path, in my mind I was saying
You see that, an omen, a sign, you take that on board
Today’s your day son, it’s going come right
And of course it did not, another loss, more despair I can’t afford
Is there any point asking you Lord, why are you giving me such a cross to bear

I know wha the answer is, what I gotta do, whether I will do it or not, remains to be seen.




Joint Pain.

Are you, like me, suffering joint pain. Is this what aging is all about, for goodness sake, I may be getting on now, but in my mind, I am about 27 yrs old, and that’s what I’m sticking with.

Anyways currently I am recovering from various joint pains, in the ‘SI joint, the knee joint, the elbow joint , and general musculature tightness in the body. What I found helpful, and seems to be working is improving the diet, including foods such as turmeric, ginger, cider apple vinegar, and overall a healthy diet.

You know, the usual, plenty of fruit , veggies, bone broth soup, plenty of protein etc, etc, yada, yada.
So anyways I came across this guy, and his web site, for healing joint /musculature malfunction, and if you follow his suggestions, give it a week or so, it really does seem to work. I have experienced that myself, so maybe check him out, and click on a few of his adverts to help him out. All his info is free, with much good feedback.
Do not make the mistake I made with the trigger point therapy with tennis balls, or lacrosse balls etc. Do not use these balls on bony area’s of the body such as rib cage and so on. Only use on areas of large muscle groups, shoulder or backside for example, otherwise you will suffer and possibly damage your bones, trust me. Just beware.

In Good Health.


The Faces of the Invisible.


The Faces of The Invisible.


Photo by Joe Keating on Unsplash

He was invisible to them. Nobody noticed him, or at least pretended not to notice him. He sat like the rest of us, in the railway station waiting room, seeking refuge from the bitter cold outside. At least it was warm. We sat with our luggage, and warming tea and recently purchased, quiet expensive sandwiches.
He sat huddled with dirty track bottoms, and dirty shoes. A black anorak, with a hood covering his head, and slim frame. He had no hot tea, or sandwich. His arms folded over covering himself. Never once did he raise his head, to see what was going on around him. Never once did he ask of any of us in that waiting room for a few quid to help him out. He just sat with his eyes closed, head pointed down towards the ground, the whole time I watched him. He was no more than nineteen years old I guess.
I studied him, and the people around him, and wondered did the other travellers not even see him. Did he not exist in their minds. Was he a non entity ? Could they not see another human being obviously suffering and down on his luck. People nearby read there newspapers. Played with their expensive mobile phones. One or two of the more obnoxious travellers conducted business deals, excited, smug and self satisfied with another deal successful concluded. Oblivious to this young guy, within ten feet of them. The middle aged ladies discussing their travel plans, and the relatives they would be visiting. Some played games, caught up with emails on their tablets. Other studied the screen as it displayed and reloaded the upcoming train times. reorganising their plans. I wondered where would he go, when he would inevitably be asked to leave the shelter of the warm waiting room, and what would he do tomorrow and the next day, and the next. How had life brought him to this.
As I watched the other temporary inhabitants of that waiting room, I silently questioned their humanity. I also questioned my own, as I left the warmth of the waiting room, to catch my train without stopping to offer him help, of some description. Was it embarrassment, fear of his reaction, or did want to draw any attention to myself. What ever it was, I never figured it. Would I act differently in a similar situation again. That I could not say. I would like to think I would be more humane, but who knows.

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Photo by Cristian Newman on Unsplash

Are you searching for love , just like me
But wherever you look, you just cannot see, someone who might fit the bill completely
What I find, are people whom I don’t mind, but would rather not become entwined with
Where’s my soulmate, my lover to be, it’s like searching the ocean for something I cannot see
Occasionally do come across a possible candidate, who may fill the role
But it’s so unexpected I’m caught on the hop, an electric shock, that we both feel
Stuck for words to invite and entice
Where are my seduction skills, my comfort, my making a connection skills
A fleeting glance, a seduction dance, would you like to come home with me
Where’s all this law of attraction, or even magick and witchcraft, trying all sorts but aint getting any traction
It aint a one night stand I’m hunting for, it’s love and comfort, kindness and more

I had a situation the other day, a lady of distinction looked my way
So taken aback was I, could not hold her eye
Prettiness like you ain’t never seen, but she was quiet taken by me
Aint too sure why, I aint no Brad Pitt, George Clooney, or some such guy
But I’m alright looking I suppose
I’m soo used to girls not giving a toss, I may as well be invisible to them
So I’m at a loss to understand all this
So anyways I approached and began to chat, she was selling whatever at some stall in the shopping centre mall
But so out of practice was I, my confidence and chatter, was not stellar, and that aint no lie
It did not help that she was Eastern European, who are not known for their warmth and friendliness, and could be construed as kinda mean, and somewhat unfriendly
The chat was functional, brief and to the point, but I did not meet the requirements of what she wanted
So I wandered off, but man, she was hot, and I wanted her, to be in love with me
What was missing from her, was warmth and engagement, that had me heading for the door
Then I read and considered, that coldness and frosteness, is the norm, ( In Eastern Europe) and perhaps she was quiet shy, with limited social skills
But man, trying to chat up a shy person, is draining, is depressing, like drawing blood from a stone, I was getting exhausted on all levels, just trying

I was not going  to let this bird go, as I fancied way too much, for that to be so
So a few days later, in the sopping centre I found myself again, after having practised and imagined my chat within,  hoping against hope, she still be there
Low and behold she was, in her beauty and prettiness, a vision to behold
I had it all planned in my head, how I’d interact with her
How it was going to be
But in my imagining I had nt anticipated the fella at the stand who wanted to speak to me
As I made my way, towards my love to be, he pushed himself forward, and hijacked me
This is not how I had planed it was going to be
As he spouted on about the benefits of the product he was trying to sell
Out of politeness I just listened well, but I could not shake him, the dirty c…
Which I wanted to soo much to do, I had zero interest in the products on sale
It was just that bird I was after, that is all I’m sayin
Eventually I made it clear to him, trying to sign me up for such products, was nothing more than a sin
His attitude quickly changed, from ‘Yes Sir / No Sir’, to ‘Alright mate, Yeah mate’, when he saw he could not draw me in
I noted that within my mind, to be ever mindful, of how people can quickly change when they can see, you int an easy mark, who can be drained
But anyways back to this bird and me, as I was leaving I approached her, see
At the time she was trying to entice and sell, to the passing consumers
My words were rapid, interview style. Not the best way to engage a female, I Know, iI know
But time was short , the pressure was on, but her answers were so functional, and business like, it just wasnt on
So I left and considered my position, did she fancy me or not, and decided the latter
After a nights sleep, and much searching on YouTube, I concluded she was perhaps shy, and lacking social skills. Add eastern European to that, and make of that what you will

So the next day again, to the shopping center I ventured, and sat nearby in Starbucks, hoping against hope she’d pass by
It would be way too awakard for me to approach the stand again, it would just be way too awardard

She did not appear, like I had imagined she would
I walked the promade, by the sea, hoping she be their
But it was not to be
I had to take to my bed, with depression and remorse
Sorrow and grief, that had to be experienced to be believed
Now at this stage I am asking what do I got to do, to make this be
I’m looking at the Sedona method, EFT, you name it
Sigils, affirmations, I am that really desperate
But that’s how it is, see
I’ll make no bones, I want to be in love
For her to be in love with me, harmony , peace and tranquility
Happiness, joy, comfort and companionship
That’s what I’m after, for t]both of us

I’m seriously hoping to meet her again, in a more better situation
Where it will flow right, much to my delight
Well I’ll just have to see what happens, weather that will ever be.



Photo by Charles Deluvio 🇵🇭🇨🇦 on Unsplash

Is life torture to you, and you just don’t know what to do
Do you wish it was over now, just wishing for the end
Is everything what you wanted not coming true
The love of your life not appearing
That career, you aint even sure of, not showing up
The wealth you dreamed of, seems such an impossible dream
Your aspirations to enhance the lives of others, seem empty futile, even obscene

Where is it all gone wrong, the people you meet daily, not want you want to see
They are the damn opposite of what you see in your dreams
Where’s that compatible partner, why just can’t they appear
You know, just like magick
That career you hanker after, how come it just disappears
Where’s the end to this, God alone knows
Where are the people you expect to show up, as you did for them
With their care, their consideration, or is that an empty dream
You were there for them, but now they ain’t nowhere to be seen
Make’s one question deeply, are some friendships what they purport to be

Is your body up the creek, with no end in sight
No healing miracles, about to come your way, and put things right
It’s stuff like this, that at times make’s it hard to carry on
With no brightness ahead, it all looks rather……trying
It’s at times like this, pleasure is in short supply
With a negative outlook, you might think abut dying
Many, many days like this, and life can seem like torture, and I ain’t lying

Have you got someone in your life saying, you don’t matter, you hardly exist
What’s going on with you, is of little and no concern
But yet they watch and analyse every move you make
Give there view on your preconceived mistakes, do they not believe in live and let live
Why can they not live their own lives, instead of living your life for you
Instead they find fault with all that you do, they that have little, to non existent respect

Why don’t you just hide away, until I discern you may be worth interacting with
But only to bring you down, as I lift myself up, and watch you squirm
Once again you’ve fallen for my my false sense of love and concern
But I care nothing for you, when will you ever learn
You are nothing to me, but a psychological punchbag, on whom I can let free
Destroy, and tear down, with words that cut to the core
Words that will reverberate for evermore within your mind
Even when I’m gone from this world, my words will destroy and control you
From beyond the grave
You got people like this in your life, throw them out, before they take your soul, your spirit, your life
Take my word, you see people like this, close to you. Shut them down, cut them out
This is what you must do. This is what you must do

Watching trough the window, another sunny day, another lovely day
Blue skies, and fluffy clouds, birds high in the sky
As you sit alone in your house, contemplating the benefits should you die
Maybe I may change my mind, another Netflix movie, foreign language perhaps
Engage my mind fully. Proper diet, positive views, you know, like you should do
Maybe life won’t seem so bad. Gotto keep bouncing back
Sure we’ll see what we can do. If it all seems worth it…..



Health issues, Posture issues.

If you are suffering from health / posture issues, check out these people. I find them quiet good. Some of the best I’ve come across, and I have viewed many, many videos of this type.






Casino unsplash.Photo by steve sawusch on Unsplash


I seem to have a problem with gambling me, I can’t seem to stop doing it, see
Even though I know I’m ain’t going to win
It’s the light’s the spinning wheels that draw you in
I win a bit now and then, but generally speaking I lose it again
The house always seems to win out in the end

But it’s also to do with the pleasure centers in the brain
The dopamine that’s secreted, help’s hide life’s pain
When you watch the spinning wheel’s on the slot’s
Will you win, will you lose
That’s the hit you’re after, that adrenaline,and that fear
That’s what you hold so very dear
That’s why you crave to try it again
Cause to the brain, it’s now a source of pleasure, and that’s when it gets tricky

Why do I gamble so much, what’s giving me such a rush
The chance to win a fortune, to take me away from here
To make my life seem happier, to make my problems disappear
They may go away for a day or two
But they always show up again, have no fear

I feel and get so angry when I lose, that I jump right back in
Spend even more money determined to win, again I lose, what a fool
But maybe I should go easy on myself, and try to uncover the reasons why
I gamble like I do
To figure out the trigger point’s
When I have them sorted out, maybe I won’t gamble so much.

The trigger point’s as I can see, are boredom, loneliness and angry energy, and uncomfortable feelings
But these feelings come and go, for everyone on this planet
I don’t want to be rushing to the casino, every time I feel this way
Emptying my wallet

How to deal with such feelings, without it costing a packet
Could try alcohol, but that’s a similar addiction
I’ve long since given up cigarettes so that’s a no, no too
As I like to keep my health in check, so that’s not something I will do

If I can see the trigger points that are forcing me to gamble
Sit down and analyze, could try from that angle, for a while
Maybe if I could stop and think about the consequences of that step
If I open up the laptop, and have another bet
But it’s not that easy to stop and think, when your mind is pushing you to gamble
When you get drawn in by the spinning wheel’s and flashing lights
The possibility of a win
But I get so angry when I lose, which is all I ever seem to do
I’m now spending cash set aside for bill’s, that’s a bad sign,and I know that

I did an online quiz the other night, to see if I had a problem
Of the twenty questions asked, I answered in the affirmative to a lot of them
Not all of course, approx fifty percent or so
At the end of the quiz, the computer said gee whiz, you definitely have a problem
I did not like that answer, so I did the quiz once again
This time not being so honest with my answers
But the computer screamed at me, yes man, you do have a problem

That set me thinking, have no doubt
I have bills to pay, ain’t got the cash today, because I gave it to the casino
Usually I’d jump back in, and try to win again
But it’s only myself I’m fooling
At least I’m lucky in a way, having a bit of insight into myself
Not ashamed to say, I may be a gambler today

But I’m going get on top of this, before it ruins my life
Cause it can bring a lot of heartache, to a family and a wife
So I think my strategy for now will be, to figure out the trigger point’s
To turn my mind to other things, when the urges come calling
To let go of the idea of revenge
To make the casino’s pay, for all the cash they’ve had from me
But that’s a foolish way to think
That kind of thinking will only make you sink
To the depths of despair, sadly you won’t be the only one there
With the odds stacked in there favour, that’s a foolish way to think
That’s a hopeless strategy
That could lead to homelessness, bankruptcy,or some other
None too pleasant possibilities

How about losing your wife, your children turning away
Perhaps a spell in prison, would that make your day
Cause these are the end destination’s where you may end up
If you continue to gamble and cannot stop
So it ain’t too funny now, if you look at it that way

I’ll read these gambling websites and see what others do
See their stories, hear their tales
Hopefully it will help me cope, when the urges come calling
I know these urges to gamble will come, but I now know they will pass
Not get drawn in, just keep deferring it for ten minutes
That way I’ll get through the day, without gambling at all
So hopefully it will get better after all

Even on the day I wrote this poem
A few hours later I was back on the laptop again
Badgered by my intuition, or so I thought, screaming at me, now’s your chance
Now is your day, it’ll make all your troubles go away
You’re bound to win, it’s not a sin, so lay that bet, it’ll set you free
It’s your way to freedom, do it and see
Needless to say I did not win, and feel very angry and foolish yet again
But I can see it’s just my mind fooling me
That’s how deceptive this addiction can be

But I’ll not get caught again, I’m mad as hell after losing again
I’m now wise to my own mind, and the tricks it plays on me
Their will be no next time, this I swear, I swear to me
The worst that can happen in a casino, is that you win
That’s what keeps drawing you back in
Believing if you were lucky once, you’ll be lucky again
It’s just a matter of getting the timing right

I’m tired of being fooled by this thing, I will not give in anymore
But even as I write these lines, I’m planning when I can get back in
Maybe limit the amount that I play, I’m sure to have a lucky day
That’s how mad this addiction is, in the past six days I’ve spent ninety quid
With very little to show for it, except for the blood pressure rising high
As I watch my bank account sink so low

I don’t know if i’ll ever give it up, as I do derive some pleasure from it
But i’ll certainly cut down the amount I spend
Try to find pleasure in other ways
I don’t feel like gambling when my mind is calm, with life going well and at ease
But how often is that, not only for me, but for everyone on the planet
So we’ll have to see how it goes, this saga of casinos and I.