Gambling Losses.

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Photo Credit : https://pixabay.com/en/las-vegas-night-time-neon-lights-599840/

Gambling losses, making me right cross
I won a stack of cash the other week, thinking my luck was in
I kept upping the stake I was using, hoping for a bigger win
It did not take long for that same sorry song to appear
I watched in despair as my bank went all the way down to zero

I could not help myself, it was like I was possessed
I could not put that cash back in fast enough
Now I am stuck and skint
In a city I don’t want to be, cant even afford a writing class
A swim in the pool, not available with my financial agenda
Sports classes or nothing, this what life is like currently
Human contact and interaction is missing, and that’s bloody hard

But I’m glad it happened, cause psychological pain such as this
Is hard
Because the riches I was expecting have gone amiss
Events such as this are really teaching me a lesson here
That the riches I desire and seek, are not going to emanate from the casinos
I visit week after week

I have said to myself, that’s the finish of it now
That’s a line I will no longer cross
This kind of nonsense has just got to stop
This is a period of time I will not forget
The futility and pointlessness of believing gambling
Will sort you out, once and for all
Financial stresses diminished
Wealth and riches by your door, don’t you believe it, mate
You’ll soon get to know the score

The only people making money from gambling are the people running such ventures
In my view they are nothing more than criminals, who prey on lonely, unhappy people
They who are seeking some respite, and hoping for a better life
But the odds are so tilted in there favour, those of us drawn in, have little chance of a win
As the owners swan around in there fancy cars, and live it up in hotels with five stars
While we the fools, who play by the rules, believing we have even a chance of a win
Are only adding to their wealth

For those others, afflicted with this addiction, I hope you too, soon see the light
Hit your rock bottom with all of your might
Then you perhaps you too can see the futility of gambling
That it will never lead you to where you think it will be
It only leads down that road of anger and despair
That will be familiar to the many who gamble to excess
Hopefully the pain of gambling and continually losing, will soon put you right.

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Nothing.

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Photo by Mark Eder on Unsplash

I have nothing to say, nothing on my brain
How am I meant to entertain and engage
Those who are kind enough to view what I write, and at times, voice their appreciation
I aint mad, angry or depressed, no toxic people on my case
Nothing of any duress happening in my life
Bit dead on the romantic scene, I must admit
Would love, love, love to meet a suitable partner
To share this life’s journey with, that’s for sure
But the landscape is incredibly barren whenever I step outside the door
I looked, just looked at a woman a few months back, not a stunner, not a beaut
More out of interest I did briefly stare
She actually physically winced, when my glance caught her eye
Just cause you’re a woman, don’t necessarily mean, I want you, let me be clear
I got standards you know, which you gotta meet, or else you aint coming in the door
I watched a pretty woman coming down the street. Our eyes did meet, and she was okay
But I had watched her briefly from afar, shoulder charge some poor fella out of her way
Good looking as she was, that was so off-putting, I turned away from her enticing glance
That’s one dance that would not end well, so I aint even moving in that direction
So there’s nothing really going on, currently.

Torture.

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Photo by Charles Deluvio 🇵🇭🇨🇦 on Unsplash

Is life torture to you, and you just don’t know what to do
Do you wish it was over now, just wishing for the end
Is everything what you wanted not coming true
The love of your life not appearing
That career, you aint even sure of, not showing up
The wealth you dreamed of, seems such an impossible dream
Your aspirations to enhance the lives of others, seem empty futile, even obscene

Where is it all gone wrong, the people you meet daily, not want you want to see
They are the damn opposite of what you see in your dreams
Where’s that compatible partner, why just can’t they appear
You know, just like magick
That career you hanker after, how come it just disappears
Where’s the end to this, God alone knows
Where are the people you expect to show up, as you did for them
With their care, their consideration, or is that an empty dream
You were there for them, but now they ain’t nowhere to be seen
Make’s one question deeply, are some friendships what they purport to be

Is your body up the creek, with no end in sight
No healing miracles, about to come your way, and put things right
It’s stuff like this, that at times make’s it hard to carry on
With no brightness ahead, it all looks rather……trying
It’s at times like this, pleasure is in short supply
With a negative outlook, you might think abut dying
Many, many days like this, and life can seem like torture, and I ain’t lying

Have you got someone in your life saying, you don’t matter, you hardly exist
What’s going on with you, is of little and no concern
But yet they watch and analyse every move you make
Give there view on your preconceived mistakes, do they not believe in live and let live
Why can they not live their own lives, instead of living your life for you
Instead they find fault with all that you do, they that have little, to non existent respect

Why don’t you just hide away, until I discern you may be worth interacting with
But only to bring you down, as I lift myself up, and watch you squirm
Once again you’ve fallen for my my false sense of love and concern
But I care nothing for you, when will you ever learn
You are nothing to me, but a psychological punchbag, on whom I can let free
Destroy, and tear down, with words that cut to the core
Words that will reverberate for evermore within your mind
Even when I’m gone from this world, my words will destroy and control you
From beyond the grave
You got people like this in your life, throw them out, before they take your soul, your spirit, your life
Take my word, you see people like this, close to you. Shut them down, cut them out
This is what you must do. This is what you must do

Watching trough the window, another sunny day, another lovely day
Blue skies, and fluffy clouds, birds high in the sky
As you sit alone in your house, contemplating the benefits should you die
Maybe I may change my mind, another Netflix movie, foreign language perhaps
Engage my mind fully. Proper diet, positive views, you know, like you should do
Maybe life won’t seem so bad. Gotto keep bouncing back
Sure we’ll see what we can do. If it all seems worth it…..

 

 

Gambling.

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Gambling.

I seem to have a problem with gambling me, I can’t seem to stop doing it, see
Even though I know I’m ain’t going to win
It’s the light’s the spinning wheels that draw you in
I win a bit now and then, but generally speaking I lose it again
The house always seems to win out in the end

But it’s also to do with the pleasure centers in the brain
The dopamine that’s secreted, help’s hide life’s pain
When you watch the spinning wheel’s on the slot’s
Will you win, will you lose
That’s the hit you’re after, that adrenaline,and that fear
That’s what you hold so very dear
That’s why you crave to try it again
Cause to the brain, it’s now a source of pleasure, and that’s when it gets tricky

Why do I gamble so much, what’s giving me such a rush
The chance to win a fortune, to take me away from here
To make my life seem happier, to make my problems disappear
They may go away for a day or two
But they always show up again, have no fear

I feel and get so angry when I lose, that I jump right back in
Spend even more money determined to win, again I lose, what a fool
But maybe I should go easy on myself, and try to uncover the reasons why
I gamble like I do
To figure out the trigger point’s
When I have them sorted out, maybe I won’t gamble so much.

The trigger point’s as I can see, are boredom, loneliness and angry energy, and uncomfortable feelings
But these feelings come and go, for everyone on this planet
I don’t want to be rushing to the casino, every time I feel this way
Emptying my wallet

How to deal with such feelings, without it costing a packet
Could try alcohol, but that’s a similar addiction
I’ve long since given up cigarettes so that’s a no, no too
As I like to keep my health in check, so that’s not something I will do

If I can see the trigger points that are forcing me to gamble
Sit down and analyze, could try from that angle, for a while
Maybe if I could stop and think about the consequences of that step
If I open up the laptop, and have another bet
But it’s not that easy to stop and think, when your mind is pushing you to gamble
When you get drawn in by the spinning wheel’s and flashing lights
The possibility of a win
But I get so angry when I lose, which is all I ever seem to do
I’m now spending cash set aside for bill’s, that’s a bad sign,and I know that

I did an online quiz the other night, to see if I had a problem
Of the twenty questions asked, I answered in the affirmative to a lot of them
Not all of course, approx fifty percent or so
At the end of the quiz, the computer said gee whiz, you definitely have a problem
I did not like that answer, so I did the quiz once again
This time not being so honest with my answers
But the computer screamed at me, yes man, you do have a problem

That set me thinking, have no doubt
I have bills to pay, ain’t got the cash today, because I gave it to the casino
Usually I’d jump back in, and try to win again
But it’s only myself I’m fooling
At least I’m lucky in a way, having a bit of insight into myself
Not ashamed to say, I may be a gambler today

But I’m going get on top of this, before it ruins my life
Cause it can bring a lot of heartache, to a family and a wife
So I think my strategy for now will be, to figure out the trigger point’s
To turn my mind to other things, when the urges come calling
To let go of the idea of revenge
To make the casino’s pay, for all the cash they’ve had from me
But that’s a foolish way to think
That kind of thinking will only make you sink
To the depths of despair, sadly you won’t be the only one there
With the odds stacked in there favour, that’s a foolish way to think
That’s a hopeless strategy
That could lead to homelessness, bankruptcy,or some other
None too pleasant possibilities

How about losing your wife, your children turning away
Perhaps a spell in prison, would that make your day
Cause these are the end destination’s where you may end up
If you continue to gamble and cannot stop
So it ain’t too funny now, if you look at it that way

I’ll read these gambling websites and see what others do
See their stories, hear their tales
Hopefully it will help me cope, when the urges come calling
I know these urges to gamble will come, but I now know they will pass
Not get drawn in, just keep deferring it for ten minutes
That way I’ll get through the day, without gambling at all
So hopefully it will get better after all

Even on the day I wrote this poem
A few hours later I was back on the laptop again
Badgered by my intuition, or so I thought, screaming at me, now’s your chance
Now is your day, it’ll make all your troubles go away
You’re bound to win, it’s not a sin, so lay that bet, it’ll set you free
It’s your way to freedom, do it and see
Needless to say I did not win, and feel very angry and foolish yet again
But I can see it’s just my mind fooling me
That’s how deceptive this addiction can be

But I’ll not get caught again, I’m mad as hell after losing again
I’m now wise to my own mind, and the tricks it plays on me
Their will be no next time, this I swear, I swear to me
The worst that can happen in a casino, is that you win
That’s what keeps drawing you back in
Believing if you were lucky once, you’ll be lucky again
It’s just a matter of getting the timing right

I’m tired of being fooled by this thing, I will not give in anymore
But even as I write these lines, I’m planning when I can get back in
Maybe limit the amount that I play, I’m sure to have a lucky day
That’s how mad this addiction is, in the past six days I’ve spent ninety quid
With very little to show for it, except for the blood pressure rising high
As I watch my bank account sink so low

I don’t know if i’ll ever give it up, as I do derive some pleasure from it
But i’ll certainly cut down the amount I spend
Try to find pleasure in other ways
I don’t feel like gambling when my mind is calm, with life going well and at ease
But how often is that, not only for me, but for everyone on the planet
So we’ll have to see how it goes, this saga of casinos and I.

                                                                                                                                               

Knife crime, Gun Crime, Dying Time, London Time.

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Photo by Clem Onojeghuo on Unsplash

Knife crime, gun crime, another young kid dying
Use that blade, shoot that gun, then when you do that
It’s all done
Think your tough, think your brave
What you really are, is afraid
Do onto other’s, before they do onto you

These are the actions of cowardly men
Weak, pitiful and meek man
Another drive by shooting, another young kid losing
Anyone with a knife, can take a life
Anyone with a gun, can make others run
Here son, take my gun, make the people hide
Make’s you feel real powerful, that ain’t no lie

What will Jesus say to you when you die
You took that man’s life, and now you must pay the price
Seek your redemption down there behind the gates of hell
Listen for evermore to that tolling bell
Where are the celebrities, the football stars, the ex gang members
To preach the peace, to these young people who behind it all
Behind the bravado, the brutal weapons, are small, afraid and weak
That one day it will they who is layed out a slab, as their relatives gather to send them off
As they become nothing more than dust
Wasted lives cut down so young, surely something can be done

Government cutbacks, so you can feed the fat cats
Now look what you’ve done, so many young people dying by the gun
Preachers, pastors and church leaders, we look to you for guidance
How come you’ve all gone so quiet
Are you out and about, tending to the young, showing them the folly of their ways
Maybe your hiding in your ivory towers, waiting for better days
When it all goes away
Are you Mother’s talking to your son’s, showing them the futility of carrying a gun
Father’s where are you, educating your children, you know, as you should do
With a guiding hand, showing them the lay of the land
The road to take, to be a better man
Brother’s and sister’s I ask of you, what it is you are going to do
Or will you look the other way too. You know what it is you must do
Teacher’s what are you doing in there. Is it anything, or do you not care
Or is it, that your afraid and scared
You have a duty, a responsibly too. We entrust our children onto you
For many hours every day. Your people of influence, have your say
Try to lead them clear, to see a better way

We look to you all to guide the young
To say the life your planning on living, is nothing but a dead end
Pull away from where your headed, it’s not where you want to be
Where are the community leaders, and youth leaders, where’s your voice, where’s your anger
We are relying now on your candour, pull no punches, say it loud
This behavior will not be tolerated nor allowed
We will shop you to the police, as we stand together in a crowd
We want out children home tonite, from the wild streets they roam

Where are these people to find that sense of bravery they seek
Hiding behind weapons of death, seem to make them look so weak
A loser who hides behind artificial means, to get what he needs
That sense of courage, bravery and daring do
If you want all that, join the damn army, that’s what you can do
They will welcome you, little fool
Kill, stab, main, travel the world and get paid for inflicting pain
Meddle in other countries affairs, bomb them to kingdom come
When your done the government will welcome you home as a hero
If you lose your legs or half your head on duty
Well they’ll hide you away, so you’ll have little say
Give you a medal to make your day

Another funeral, more anger and tears. Promises of revenge to quench their fears
The circle of death and violence, never end’s
Those who live by violence, if you keep knocking on that door
One day soon, life will even up the score
Will these young people ever learn
These young people should be embarrassed and ashamed to say
I used a gun or a knife on some other fella today
Cause that’s what I am, nothing but a cowardly, ineffectual man
Other’s don’t look to you and see a brave hero
They see a fool, who has nothing to be proud of in life
You ain’t got nothing, you got zero
Bravery, self worth and courage, are earned by pushing yourself to the limit
Not stealing someone’s life, at the point of a knife or a gun
Where are these rap stars, these social media stars
Using the power of their popularity to guide the youth of today
We need you to come out, and have your say
Tv program makers, make them sit up and listen
Say no more to this cowardly way, of acting to settle trivial scores
This ain’t the way it’s gotta be, watch and listen to this
There are alternatives to this, you will see

We gotto make them see, the consequences of their actions
For the lives they are taking
The impact it can have on a family and friends, when a loved one is unnecessary taken
In a non recoverable instant of anger and revenge
The untold human pain, and distress
That many will struggle to recover, from such a psychological mess
What might have been, what should have been, in a life lived full and to the brim
Instead of a barren empty chasm, that’s impossible to fill again

You aint brave, your just a slave to the media and tv, and other’s
Who would have you believe, you gotto take a life by gun or by knife
To add value, worth and bravery to your crew
Don’t be a fool to fall for that, whatever you do
Find better friends, and influences, should you need to make amends
For perceived disrespect put upon you
Handle it like a man, slap him round the face if you can
Rather than take his life with a hole in the head, as you shoot him dead
For words, that perhaps should have being left un-said
Slice and stab his life away with your knife
What about his young child and wife, can you really face that
Taking a mans life

That’s how real it get’s, friend’s stunned, Mother’s and Father’s wailing
Brother’s and sister’s going crazy
Human pain that never leaves, an aching heart, that forever bleeds
If you carry out that evil deed
Please think twice before you raise that knife, and take someone’s life
This is real, it ain’t no video game. They ain’t waking up, once you slay ’em
They are proper dead. Get that right, inside your head
How would you feel. How would you deal, with one of your own, not coming home
Cause some young guy, was too free and easy with a weapon
Proving a point, releasing his hate, on someone he blames
For imagined disrespect or similar

Unlike Lazarus, not too many can rise from the dead
When all is said and done, me old son
So before you take that fatal step, and shoot some guy through the head
Or stick him through with a knife, as any one could do
Have a think about the future consequences
Life has a way of paying back, what you give out returns ten fold
Have a think about that, perhaps you won’t feel so tough and bold
Karma is a real deal, and will leave a permanent seal on you and your family’s life
London 2018, what will we see today before the sun goes down.

Be Here Now.

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Photo by 
Peter Hershey on Unsplash

Present

Be here now, that’s what they say
These people in the know
Eckhart Tolle. Deepak ‘Bloody’ Chopra
That Eckhart Tolle fella, lived on a bench for thirteen years
Until one day he awoke vibrating with happiness, or was that with the cold
Are you going take advice from someone like that
But anyways, your problems will disappear, they maintain
You’ll be happy beyond belief. This is so.

Well I don’t agree. I’ve tried it
Don’t work, see
Try being in the present, when your standing in the rain
Waiting for that bus, that you saw once, but may never see again
When your standing face to face, with that angry commuter
Whom you see every morning, and have come to hate
As you all struggle on overcrowded, dirty trains
Rushing to jobs many despise, just to avoid looking at clear skies at night
So as to keep that roof over there heads
When your queueing in the takeaway, after a night out on the town
With the last vestiges of society, spilling their guts, and fighting all around
Drunken women screaming, husbands and boyfriends pleading
‘There was no affair, I never even kissed her, I swear, I swear, I swear’
The last place you’d want to be is here

Try being present in the unemployment line
See how that helps your mind
Or as you attend the funeral of someone you love, so very dear
Or maybe as you lay in bed at night, and yearn for a love partner to hold tight
See if being present there, helps your head, your soul, and happiness
Try as you might, I doubt it
It’s at times like these, we would want to set our minds free
To be anywhere but here. Let your imagination take flight
Even if not true, most probably make you feel alright

Imagine that loving partner, bank account looking right
Visualize that select restaurant, where you take your partner for the night
Picture a better life, if you’re in the unemployment line
Don’t that make you feel better, maybe help remove that frown
I think what Eckhart and Deepak ment to say was to
It’s easy to be present in the moment, when you’re having a hell of a day
In other situations not to your taste, visualize, imagine and picture
How you’d like to see it be. If nothing else it should keep your mind on an even keel
Who knows, one day if life works in your favor. That’s just how it might be.

Poetry, Words not flowing ?

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Photo by David Klein on Unsplash

Are you struggling to get the words flowing in your poetry. Is frustration driving you mad ? Do you sit and stare at the computer, and wonder, what the bloody hell can I write about. Yeah, #me too. Why, oh why, ain’t the word flowing, and what can I do ?
Some write random obscure, and unconnected sentences, that to my mind make little sense, or have little rhyme, and call it poetry. Some reading that, get into the throes of ecstasy. Some consider that to be deep, thoughtful and meaningful, and occasionally it is. But generally I just understand that kind of poetry. That to my mind ain’t poetry. I don’t know what that is, but I would not call it poetry.

The solution I found, that’s works for myself, is to get the words at the end of some of the sentences to rhyme. I would not make all the sentences rhyme, as that don’t look right either. Not all words at the end of sentences can be made to rhyme, but many can.
A technique I learned from an English teacher, many years ago in school. Who used to get quiet frustrated at our attempts at poetry. He suggested, at the end of every other sentence, get the words to rhyme if possible. I find it works, most of the time. Help’s to get you moving, when you are stuck. Then just write what’s in your mind, regarding the subject. You may well be surprised how easily the words will flow. It take’s a bit of practice of course. But stick with it, and you may well surprise yourself. As an example. Take a subject matter, like teaching someone to write engaging poetry.

What the hell, can I write here
I am bewildered and quiet unclear
Am I a failure, a fool, for trying to teach
To reach other’s who are struggling too
Will other’s take on board
The knowledge I’m willing to impart
Will they consider, I am some guy trying to be overly smart, clever and here, watch this
Am I wasting my time here, is my advise going to go amiss
Maybe I should not have started. To hell with all this.

 

Try to get your thoughts / story line in the poem into some type of logical sequence.

For example, if the subject was a new car. Firstly identify the issue.

Here am I walking everyday, wearing out my feet
Rain, snow, cold and wind
Am I suffering here for my sin’s

Then the resolution.

At last I have peace of mind
Comfort, joy, and quiet
No more crowded bus, dirty trains
As I manoeuvre my brand new car, in the streets, as it rains.

That’s the short version.

Obiviously read a lot, of everything. Even a thesaurus. All helps improve your word power, and grow one’s volcalubury.

Try it, let us know how you get on.

All The Best.