Alcohol Free

ALCOHOL FREE.

ALCOHOL FREE, IS THIS REALLY FOR ME

CAN I STICK IT OUT. TRULY I HAVE MY DOUBTS.

ITS EARLY DAYS, BUT I’M COUNTING, WATCHING THE MINUTES AND HOURS, SLOWLY TICK BY

IT’LL GET BETTER THEY SAY, BUT I ACHE AND DREAM ABOUT A DRINK, MOST DAYS

IT’S A STRUGGLE I MUST ADMIT, AS I SIT AND CONTEMPLATE MY LIFE

IT’S BEEN A LONG SEVEN DAYS, SECOND ATTEMPT, FAILED LAST TIME AT DAY ELEVEN

WHEN AM I GOING TO GET THE YOUNG LOOKING SKIN AND CLEAR EYES

OR IS THAT A FALSE PROMISE, AND JUST YOUR LIES

THESE WEEKLY PHOTOS I’M TAKING BETTER SHOW MUCH PROGRESS IN MY AGE REVERSAL

OR PRETTY SOON, IMPATIENCE AND FRUSTRATION SHALL WIN OUT

THEN THEIR WILL BE NO MORE SITTING ON THE FENCE, ALCOHOL FREE, NOT FOR ME 

AT LEAST THAT PAIN I WAS GETTING AROUND THE LIVER IS GOING AWAY

I DON’T WAKE AT NIGHT WITH A RACING HEART, WONDERING IF I SHOULD VISIT THE HOSPITAL

I HAVE MANY EXCUSES TO DRINK. HOW ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE, AND THE WAY THE ARE

FRUSTRATION AT LIFE, CAREER NOT GOING YOUR WAY. LOVE A BARREN HORIZON

THROW IN A PANDEMIC. WHAT MORE OF A REASON DO YOU NEED

BUT A DRINKING SESSION IS ONLY A VERY TEMPORARY RELIEF, FOLLOWED BY DEPRESSION ABOUT WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN, AND ANXIETY FOR THE FUTURE UNSEEN, AND FEELING SO PHYSICALLY UNWELL

IT’S NOW AT LEAST THREE DAYS BEFORE I’M BACK ON MY FEET. A LOT TO DO WITH AGE, OF COURSE

WHEN I WAS YOUNGER I COULD BOUNCE BACK, BUT NOW NOT SO MUCH

FILL YOUR BODY WITH A REGISTERED POISON, AND CARCINOGENIC, YOU’VE ONLY YOURSELF TO BLAME

DON’T BE SURPRISED WHEN YOUR BODY SAYS HEY FOOL, WE’RE LEAVING ALL THIS ABUSE. GOODBYE TO YOU 

WHAT IS IT THAT ALCOHOL GIVES TO ME ? A CHANGE OF MY MENTAL STATE. A NUMBING OF MY FEELING STATE, AND AIN’T THAT REALLY GREAT

A TEMPORARY REPRIEVE OF ALL THAT CAUSE ME TO SEETH, WITH ANGER AND FRUSTRATION YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE

CALMS MY MIND FOR AN HOUR OR TWO, UNTIL LIKE SOME WILD HURRICANE, THESE FORCES ARE AGAIN UNLEASHED DOUBLED UP AND MORE CRUEL TOO

DON’T LIKE THE WAY I THINK. DON’T LIKE THE WAY I FEEL, WITH ALCOHOL ONBOARD

BUT DRINK IS PART OF THE CULTURE, IT’S WHAT A MAN MUST DO

ALCOHOL BRINGS PEOPLE TOGETHER, ENCOURAGES A SENSE OF COMMUNITY AND TOGETHERNESS IN A JOB, IN A TEAM. WE’RE ALL IN THIS ALTOGETHER, KNOW WHAT I MEAN, OR SO WE’RE LED TO BELIEVE

BY THE POWERFUL MARKETING DEPARTMENTS OF GLOBAL ALCOHOL CORPORATIONS WORLDWIDE

HAVE WE ALL BEING HOODWINKED, AND TAKEN FOR RIDE / FOOLS

A CELERATION, A SADNESS. TOO BUSY, MAYBE BORED, WHY HERE ARE SOME TOOLS YOU CAN USE

THEIRS BEER TO BRING GOOD CHEER. SPIRITS TO COMMISERATE A LOSS

WINE TO HELP YOU COPE, NOW THAT THESE CHILDREN ARE IN BED

NEED TO BE MORE SOCIAL, WHY NOT TRY A COCKTAIL OR TWO

YOU TOO CAN BE SOPHISTICATED AND CHARMING, AND HAVE LOVERS CHASING AFTER YOU

JUST LIKE WE SEE IN THE MOVIES AND THE ADVERTS TOO

WANT TO BE A TOUGH GUY, HAVE A DRINK OR TWO

I DON’T WANT TO BE LIKE THOSE DAM TEETOTALERS, SO CHRISTIAN AND GODLIKE 

HOW BORING CAN THAT BE, ADRIFT IN A SEA OF SOBRIETY

WHAT ABOUT YOUR WILD SPIRIT, AND A QUEST TO BE FREE

DO I WANT TO LIVE THAT BORING LIFE, ALL GOODY TWO SHOES, AND NEVER STEPPING OUT OF LINE

WHILE THAT MAY BE FINE FOR OTHERS, DON’T KNOW IF I WANT TO MAKE SUCH A LIFE MINE

THERE SEEMS MORE DOWNSIDES THAN UPSIDES DRINKING NOW

HEALTH WORRIES, DEPRESSION, ANXIETY. ACTIONS TAKEN AND LATER REGRETTED

PROMISES MADE TO MYSELF AND NEVER FOLLOWED THROUGH ON

HIDING FROM LIFE AND WHAT I TRULY FEEL. EMOTIONAL MATURITY STILL AT AGE 15

WHEN ALCOHOL FIRST GOT A HOLD OF ME

 A WAY TO ESCAPE A HOMELIFE THAT WAS TOO DIFFICULT TO SEE

MY WAY OF HIDING FROM WHAT WAS IN FRONT OF ME

WITH THAT IN THE PAST, DO I NEED TO CONTINUE DOWN THIS PATH

Quarantined

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

Are you feeling distressed, maybe not right in the head, as you look at the world we now live in
A nightmare scene, that Hollywood scriptwriters could never have imagined
Even in their wildest dreams
Are you so bored out of your mind, or perhaps been more productive
How grateful are you to those medical staff, risking it all, does it make you feel small
How did all this come about. Who can we blame
Are you catching up on those books, you always said you’d read
Is your house now so clean, its any housewifes dream

How about those people, your stuck with inside
Who at the best of times, can get inside your mind, and drive you insane
Do you hate, Do you dream of the day, you’ll be far the hell away from them
Perhaps you are learning patience, tolerance, letting things go
But also at the same time, also dreaming of revenge
What kind of man are you
Brexit, Syria, foreign wars fade from view, as they leave the world stage
The world comes together to combat this outrage
Empty streets, quiet days, and silent nights
Millions sit at home and wait, for our governments to open up the gates again
We stare out from our windows, disbelieving, and aching for all this to come right
The whole world brought to a standstill, by an unseen enemy, that can make us all so ill

Have you now found Jesus, or some other such saviour
Are you on your bended knees, promising to lead a life so pure and clean
He’d have no option, but to allow through those pearly gates
If that’s where your heading to
Will you be different, when all this is over
Kinder, perhaps. More generous in your view, and a lot more grateful too
Determined to do those things, you were forever promising yourself to do
Will those wasteful relationships, just have to go
Do you feel trapped, and just don’t know what to do
Do you wonder will the end of this carry on, ever come true
Are you alone, Are you afraid, for yourself, and others
Will the media be brought to book, daily force feeding us statistics, we’d rather ignore
Do I really need to know, another poor soul, has succumbed to this illness
Thousands of miles from where I am. Do I need to hear such stories again, and again
My heart jumps, my nerves on edge, stress levels, bursting right out of my head
Where is it safe to lay my head, tonite
Is that surface wiped down, or did I touch it again
Shall I run to the washroom, I need all this to end

Will all this put your life in perspective, about what matters most
Are you a millionaire, who will promise to care more, and donate to the science community, if only we can get through this
Hey those in government, health, education cutbacks in favour of a foolish arms race
Don’t seem such a clever move now, not that they ever were
Will you pay nurses fairly, or will it all be lost on you

Benefits of all this, crime rate is down, world wide. Global co-operation abounds
Stout people are getting slim. Pollution, global warming, all on hold
Time to spend with loved ones, and our children too
Malaria, Ebola, Sars virus, and many more, we’ve seen it all before
As a human race, whatever it is that we face, we endeavour, we endure
We settle the score, and we overcome, as one
The human race, resilient to the core
So you have faith now, one day very soon now, one of these scientific geniuses, will relieve us of our worldwide gloom

Are You Fed Up Too ?

Are you fed up too, wishing to Christ this life would end,
You know, like you do
Are you also dreading waking up tomorrow
For yet another day filled with nothing but sorrow
Are you too envious of those who are terminally ill
Debt, loneliness, and despair, no end in sight
Have you too given up on Jesus ever putting it right
Are you turning to witchcraft and God knows what as a way out
Do you feel guilty for not being grateful for the health that you have
Feeling such sorrow for yourself, self pity to the max
But sometimes when life is shit, it’s just yoself who you think of, and nothing else
Will writing a poem about it, cure it, and make it not so bad
I doubt it, cause its so entrenched in my mind
Is everybody on WordPress messed and traumatized  beyond belief
Cause I would not be surprised if these words get a a lot of likes
Some comfort in that, I suppose, others feeling the same way
But I still gotta face tomorrow, put on my game face
When all I want to do, is have an end to this life
Here’s hoping I don’t wake up tomorrow.

Life Without a Partner

Photo by Jordan Steranka on Unsplash

Do you ever question, why are you actually living
What’s it all about, it’s a mystery to me
Lurching from one empty day to another
Is life not expected to be better than this

Potential love partners turning away
Before a fella has a chance to have a say
Impress them with my wit, my brain, my intellect
Look here sweetie, can’t you see what you could be missing

Do I seem that desperate, do I seem that keen
Trust me sweetheart, I ain’t overawed by what you may offer
Would you meet the standards I have set in my mind, for a partner I may entwine with
Are you more than a pretty face, are the characteristics that matter
Actually in place. Kindness, generosity, patience, loyalty, discretion, sanity and more
How about you convince me, you got them by the score
Then maybe I would look you way, try you out for a day
See if we hit it off, see what future we may have together

But what if all you meet, are semi aggressive potential partners
Who show little interest, just an obvious disdain
That one may perhaps be a burden, and I ain’t sayin a pain
But that’s the general thrust of the reaction I am getting
From the people I meet. I wonder what the answer is
To this dilemma I  twist in my mind

I am searching for love, companionship, compatibility and peace
Am I to live my life out, single, lonely, certainly not meek
Am I being punished by some God up above
What’s going on here, why can’t  I find love
I have so much to offer, I’ll see you right
That’s if I can find a suitable partner, I’ll help you through the night
The next day, and life itself, as we move on together, I’ll see you right
What is the answear, I dont know, maybe thats why I’m feeling so low.

Go Now.

Photo by Jilbert Ebrahimi on Unsplash

Another night of drunken fighting
Can we not let some light in
Accusations and castigation’s
That don’t amount to much

Why can’t we be at peace
Why can’t all this fighting and upset cease
Will it be like this for ever more

Do you remember what you said last night
It hurt, I’m wounded, its still rumbling round inside my head
Do you even remember, can you even recall
Beating my bloodied head against the bathroom wall

I hate you now, you damn fool
I ain’t in no mood to forgive and forget
Take your belongings and get out of my head, my life
Go, cease and desist, you’ll be little missed

I curse you, never forgive you, with all of my might.

——————————————-

Written in response to a writing prompt, from my newly enrolled creative writing group. The prompt being : ‘trying to piece together the night’s events’.

 

 

Gone Forever.

Photo Credit  https://pixabay.com/en/users/johnhain-352999/

He is gone now, he ain’t coming back
What I wish I said, but it’s no use now, cause he is dead
Would I have said I loved you more, just so that you’d know the score
Would I have argued less, rather than trying to get inside, and upset your head
What’s the point of large regret, for all those words left unsaid
What’s the point of tears to shed, cause now you’re dead, you ain’t no more

You know the big secret now, of what’s beyond the sky
It’s where were all headed, on that day we die
Why did you do it, take your life like that
Why could not be strong like a lion, in the face of such abuse
Can’t you see the pain were in, as you look down from above
I’m praying to Jeasus your sending us, tons and tons of love

Dear brother I love you lots, even though you’re far away
I ache for us to meet again, so I can have my say
Tell you that I love, just the way you are
For in my mind you was ,and forever will be, that bright, everlasting star
I wish you could have been stronger, back here on planet earth
Why could not have been a fighter, a man who stood his ground

Why could you not have tougher, not the weakling you were perceived to be
But then dear brother, you can of course only be, what you can be
Had you been different with your love of poetry, and all the rest
Maybe I would not have considered you one of the very best
Don’t you worry, kiddo I knew just what you were, my intuition put me straight on that
Not that it matters, it was just the way you were
But to me , you will always and forever be that bright, everlasting star.

Bad Attitude.

Photo by Eirik Skarstein on Unsplash

She was shabby, and unkempt, and would not have looked out of place on a park bench
Her body language was unattractive, as she shuffled along
She did not look like at any time, that she might burst into song
She was pretty, it was true, and she knew it too
But with an attitude that was unkind and cruel

Now in my book, that just wont do
There are many more women waltzing along, who may be more to my liking
Desperate I ain’t. I can certainly wait, for a right one to come along
I’ve waited long enough, what’s another month or two
I’ll bide my time, and meet a good woman, and make her mine

Any sign of nonsense, an attitude that’s unkind
Good looking as she may be, it’s outside, that she will find herself
I could have made a move on her, and I suspect that maybe she would have liked that too
But I had a brief glimpse into her soul, of her rude and disrespectful attitude
Considered to myself, your out sweetie, that attitude, just wont do

I think I’ll move swiftly along, who knows, she may actually burst into song
Wish you well, but I reckon I’ll save myself, for a woman, with a better way of looking at life
A better way of treating strangers right
If your like this with strangers in a  public place
What would you be like when were alone, face to face

So I’ll leave you be, and wish you well, and swerve a possible relationship
That could have being nothing more than hell
Live to have another day of peace.

Depression.

Photo by Jonathan Rados on Unsplash

It ain’t my depression, it belongs to someone else
But it makes me sad to see it, and I feel it, I wish to Christ I could heal it
What can I do. Were I more financially successful, would that ease their pain
Or is their self recrimination and self hate so deep, there’s nothing I can do
I don’t know, I wish I did. I feel bad, I feel sad, there seems nothing I can do
Whats the way out of this mess. How can I cause their happiness to grow
Help them be like they used to be. Upbeat, thriving, with a zest for life
Not the person they are who seems to have given up
Just waiting for the day when they can die
And all that pain they feel, that sense of inadequacy, and failure
Of life  will never work out, will be forever gone
As they rest in there grave, and hopefully move onto a better life
Living ain’t easy for some, who have such high aspirations
Yet the inability to fulfill them, that sense of distress and failure
A recipe for depression and self recrimination and self hate
Sometimes you gotta ask, why is life so……. I don’t even have the bloody words

An Emigrant’s Tale

Photo Crredit : https://pixabay.com/en/users/geralt-9301/

I must sleep now and rest my mind, allow it to unwind
What is this at my throat, who is this man
What does he want from me, I don’t understand
No, not my full stash of cash
If you take that, I’ll never be free
Your not getting that. I will fight with all my might
Oh God, please help me. I’m losing this fight

‘There’s no help for you child, you have not done right
You must pay the price for the past you left behind.
Let that be a lesson to you, there’s no escaping karma for any of mankind
Those who steal, defraud and our unkind
Those who murder, who abuse and are cruel
They may think they get away with it, but they are only fools
One way or another, life say’s you gotta play by the rules
Do onto other’s as they do onto you

Your time is up, karma has had its say
You will not live, not even one more day
You will die a death, that will be cruel and unkind
But that because of that attitude’s you have in your mind
You don’t play by the rules, you gotta pay the price
Maybe next time round, try to be nice, honest and true
Treat other’s right, be kind, and decent too
Then maybe life will look fondly on you

I’m leaving my homeland, I gotta be free
I don’t care what other’s think of me. I’ll never return
I’ve stolen from my own family, what do they think of me
Gotta get away from all this poverty and strife, this ain’t no way to be living life
It just has to be better, just wait and see
The West promises riches, I want part of that
Even if I must lie, steal, cheat and defraud my way to the top
That’s something I’m prepared to do
Find myself a rich husband, he can see to my needs and desires
I will see to his too
I can’t wait to get their, live the high life
This is what I desire, this is my right.

 

 

 

 

The Piano.

Photo by Isaac Ibbott on Unsplash

I am confused, not so much amused. I don’t know what to do
I’m beginning to wish I never bought it
I have to decide, real quick if to give it back
Exchange or refund

It has to get from here to there, most probably by air
But most courier companies here, have review’s that I swear
Would make you wonder, how they stay in business at all
Angry customers, packages gone missing, damaged
Rude uncaring staff, no refunds. All this is no good

To say I’m stressed, and I could be a lot less, is the truth
Then we have the issue of noise
A loud shuffling noise when I play, particularly the quieter pieces
That takes away from the pleasure I may enjoy
But it’s the weighted keys they say, that’s just the way
What of others living here, although they may not here me play
It’s that drumming noise, as I hit the keys, that seems to reverberate throughout the house
and I know how irritating that can be, and would not like to be on the receiving end of that, see

I don’t want to be mean, and cruel. But trying to figure out what to do
How can I dampen the sound, so it aint so  loud
Allow others some peace of mind and tranquility
Blankets, towels, cork tiles under the instrument
To absorb and contain the sound hopefully
Oh man, how can this be
I just want this situation sorted completely, real soon